The kind one.

His kindness refreshed me.
Despite all the bad things that happened that summer.
Despite the fact that we don't speak anymore...
I will always remember summer of 2012 with mixed emotions.
He got me through an otherwise awful summer where my boss basically called me fat, where I was rejected AGAIN by the leadership at my place of work of three years, where I was isolated in a group of over 100 people, when I fought with two of my best friends, and when my group of friends went their separate ways.
His friendship that summer was refreshing and I loved having him as a friend.
His wisdom and his quiet demeanor blessed me.
Do I have regrets? Yes.
Do I wish that he was still in my life? Of course.
But sometimes people are only meant to be in your life for a short time. To teach you a lesson maybe..or in this case, just to get you through an otherwise painful summer.
Thank you for that. I doubt you'll ever read this but if you do- thank you.

I Was Slow To Become Angry....

For a long time- probably most of my life I have been rather submissive. When someone wronged me I threw a pity party and let it happen.

I rarely fought back and if I did I normally would just go right back to letting the blame and self pity consume me. I've been passive, letting people mistreat me and walk all over me. I've abandoned situations where I've been wronged because it was easier to run away from it, easier to avoid arguments, easier to not fight.

I am SO done with that.

For my entire life I've counted all the ways I've been screwed over and almost let the dark side win in my life too many times to count. I can't hold onto that anymore. I am angry that I've let myself lose years of my adulthood being sad over the past, being sad over the many times I've been hurt and I can't waste another day.

This is my life. It's time to be assertive.

I've been so angry these past couple weeks and didn't really know what to do with it. It's started to affect my thoughts and turn back to that pathetic self-pity.

I'm done.

I will channel my anger into bettering my life.

I'm angry that I've let people make me feel inferior.
I'm angry that I've let people mistreat me for so long.
I'm angry that there's been times that I've felt so worthless and found life so pointless that there were days like last Wednesday when I heard the voice in the back of my head pushing me to end my life.

I am not done on this earth.
Whether my liver is stressed or if I need to have crazy oral surgeries because of my lack of dentist visits in the past 6 years...
Whether I end up alone with my friends all around me finding love and getting married and having babies...
Whether I ever overcome certain obstacles any time soon..
I am not done.
I am here.
I'm pissed and I'm taking back what has been stolen from me.
Peace.

2013 My year in Pictures! (Part One)

I am going to try something new this year and show my friends and family my year in pictures. I didn't get to share all these at the time that they happened so here they are! Some of my favorite moments of 2013. It was a good year! 

JANUARY
The highlight of January was when I went to Wisconsin with two of my Indiana best friends for my birthday. Not much else happened that month! haha,

We ate breakfast at my favorite restaurant in Kenosha, WI! Perkins! I love their French Toast.

Whitney was appalled at the wondrous taste of her biscuits and gravy!

I took them to Camp Timber-lee and finally showed them where I had worked for the past 3 summers.

We went to Lake Geneva! It was soo windy down by the lake. :) 

We ate dinner at my favorite (but expensive) restaurant in Lake Geneva, Sprechers. It's so pretty inside and the food is always so, so good!

After that we went to Woodman's and got some cheese!

 Never having been to Woodman's, Whitney was shocked at how much cheese was in the grocery store!

After that we went back to the hotel and had my birthday cake!

The next day before we went back home to IN we went to my favorite church in Park Ridge and then went out for pizza with a few of my friends.

We took pictures at the prime photo spot in Chicago- The Bean.
 

 We decided to observe the ice skaters.

 We even observed a marriage proposal!! (The couple in the gray and black jackets) 

Last stop was Magnolia Bakery. Don't remember what we got..but it was delicious. It was such a great birthday!

FEBRUARY

In February I spent a lot of time in Wisconsin, drinking coffee and playing with the kids I baby-sat.

A frosted window at my friend Callie's house.

This was about a month after Callie and Pat got their bearded dragon, Charmander. He's so cute!

Had great memories made with my three little friends!

There's all that coffee I was telling you about.

Oh, and Adair, Kev, and I celebrated our year anniversary of being Dunkin Donut's Weds night regulars!

Laila and I went to the Winter Festival in Lake Geneva

 We actually went to Lake Geneva a lot! (Emma came too!)

I practiced with my tamron 70-300mm lens. It was awesome.

 This was taken the first day I got the lens!

 And this cat is garbage..named garbage because it liked to hang around garbage cans. (Yes, that was a The Office reference)

This is Lake Michigan by Kenosha..the water was so weird..almost creepy!

and finally, one of my favorites!


MARCH

I found these cats, who were clearly plotting against me!

Heather (my old boss and forever friend) gave me this car and it turned out to be a tremendous blessing because of the accident I got in in my Dad's colbalt.

I took Heather;s kids to Valplayso once it started to get warmer.

And I played with the little ones in the snow when the temp dropped again!

I captured this sunset with the new tripod Callie and Pat gave me.

Met Laila in Kenosha. :)

Drove random places with Shannah

Finally got this picture of a cardinal!

This was taken at my friend Darragh's Open mic night benefit. I am still obsessed with this picture!

And we took Vivvian to the frozen tundra of Lake Geneva. Floridians...

 Aunt Julie, my cousin Sam, and her friend joined us on our trip!

 I love sunsets on Geneva Lake.

 It's a good place to grill out, haha!

 At the farm we saw this peafowl on a jeep!

 Samantha loves kitties.

My dad's relationship with his sisters make me want a brother!


APRIL

Shannah and I found this doggie on the sidewalk when we were taking a stroll.

I took the boys to the riverwalk. We discovered science ;)

 I introduced the boys to the Shrobster. They loved him, of course, and gave him candy!

We colored eggs together! It was nice to relive my childhood in the eyes of children!

 Brandon joined Adair and me when we went sunset chasing!

 It didn't last very long but it sure was beautiful!

:) The best friend approves. haha.

I got this awesome shot of the moon!

I met Callie and Pat downtown and we went to the Shedd Aquarium and ate at the corner bakery.

Some of my favorite nature pics in April.

And some more of my favorite kids! (Caden found a roly poly)

MAY