Time for my yearly reflection...it's one day late...and I
normally do this on xanga but let's face it, xanga is dead.
January:
My first couple of weeks at the Imax. I kind of hated it.
But yeah then I started to like it after awhile. My dad was being dumb and his
girlfriend was with us for like a week. That's when I went to Aunt Mares and
discovered Lost, one of my favorite shows. I was spending the night at her
house and I decided to just watch the pilot. Then the next day she found me the
next day 3/4 of the way into the season. January 30th was the craziest day of
2009. *At the time. Some days in December may have beaten that day but that's a
whole different post.
Feburary:
Wasn't really all that different than January. I worked at
the Imax, applied for jobs, watched Lost, ate chocolate covered pretzels,
bought useless items with my Dad's guilt money that he gave me. I went to Bony
Lake with Aunt Mare. I love bony lake...sooo much. Adair, her mom, her
brothers, and I went to Michigan to hug a tree. We also took pictures in a cute
house.
I had one really bad night at work that month. It was bad
and good. Kind of. Hard to explain. But there's a reason why I am back at the
Imax. It's just not salty enough.
March:
Kept working. My dad stopped dating the 20 year old. Hurray!
(But then his new obsession was home security...ugh.We'll get to that later.)
Started working at Sonshine.
April:
Realised that I was losing my Grandpa Joe. I wrote him a
letter, because I never had the courage to go and see him in the hospital. I
never gave it to him. I even tried to drive out to see him but I got lost and
ended up in Harvey. Then I went back on 94 west and went to Milwaukee.
I was struggling with working two jobs. It was really
stressful because there was nothing consistant.
May:
The secound week in May I lost my keycard for work at the
Imax for the four millionth time and decided that I needed to resign. It was
just too much.
I was so sad to leave though. I made some good friends. I
had good times. For some reason the day after my last night I was just so
intensely sad. It didn't make any sense. Becaue half the time I hated it.
June:
Vivvian left early during her three week visit. That killed
me. It didnt help that I was working 10 hours a day that week she was here. I
was so cranky by the time I got home. I was mad at my dad. I don't thinking
I've ever been so mad in my life. I whipped my phone at my dash board while I
was driving I broke the phone...and part of my dashboard. My anger shocked me.
After Viv left I bought Kenny from petland in rebellion (and
loneliness). He's the best and the worst thing that has ever happened to me.
Hahahaha!
My Grandpa died on a Thursday night. I never got to say
good-bye. The next day at work I was struggling not to fall apart. The
following Monday was the funeral and was the saddest funeral I've been too. He
was the best Grandpa in the world. He loved the Lord, he prayed with me, he
inspired me. I love him and I can't wait to meet him up in heaven. I miss him
so much.
July:
"Sometimes I amaze myself. Not in the way like,
"Oh I am so amazing!" Or anything.
It just amazes me...how easily I forget that GOD is ALWAYS
on my side. That he loves me and has a plan for me. It makes me so mad that I
forget that I have him to turn to when I am feeling inferior. He knows what he
is doing. I am not going to lead an ordinary life. I refuse." -I had to
put this up. I wrote this in July and I think I needed to be reminded of that
again.
July was ok. I worked. I went to Wisconsin with my Dad a
couple of times. We discovered the renaissance faire.
It was kind of a boring month.
Huzzah.
August:
Same as July. But then I went to Florida and hung out with
my family there. I did next to nothing the whole time I was there and I
relished every minute of it.
September:
When I came back to Indiana I went back to work for a week
and then that weekend was probably the worst weekend I have ever had. I was
having a horrible time breathing. I was dizzy. I was wheezing. I threw up
phlem. It was sooo darn scary. On Sunday morning I got in the car. I wasn't
sure if I should drive myself to church or the hospital (or the gas station to
get chocolate.) I didn't make it anywhere. I ended up laying in my car for
hour. That's how weak I was. Finally in the afternoon I ended up talking to
Emily's mom and she said she would take me to the doctor. (My dad wouldn't
because...well he thought it was just another cold that I got from working at
the daycare...but I could totally tell it was worse than that.)
Mrs. McGrath took me to the hospital. I was admitted to
Porter Memorial with double phnemonia. It was so weird because I had never been
admitted in the hospital. I got well enough to go home after four days. I was
still feeling like crap though. I did pretty much nothing for four days and
then that following thursday I went back to work...even though I still felt
like crap. For like two weeks after that I still felt the symptoms. It was not
fun.
I got really depressed about the hospital bills...and other
stuff.
October:
Was the month of Brooke White and Wisconsin stuff. I drove
to Gurnee and went to Great America. I drove to Lake Geneva. It was great. But
kinda nerve racking. Because my car is old.
November:
Dad and I got in a fight. I moved in with Emily for awhile.
Then I moved into an apartment that was vacant. It was kinda cool. But kinda
creepy living alone. Kenny wasn't even with me. That was a dark month. But I
did decide to go to school.
Thanksgiving I had the worst case of the stomach flu...like
ever. I can never eat chili again. :(
December:
I moved out of the apartment. I quit my job and went back to
the Imax. It's so weird. It feels unreal. Viv came to visit.
Not much else to say but that I found out whats real and
whats not.
OVERALL:
2009 I learned some necassary lessons about money, working,
and stuff. It has really been a crappy year. But at least I learned stuff.
Like that no matter what people say or do for you, God is
always the only one I can depend on. I've decided that I want a job that I can
work alone in...just be responsible for myself. I am so tired of being the
scapegoat. I am going to try harder to stick up for myself and not be so
passive.
To be honest, I am really having a hard time. My heart is
aching. I'm hurt. I am trying to trust and believe but it is SO hard. I believe
God has something better for me and that he knows what he's doing. I just need
to trust in him to take care of me. He always has and he always will.
Here's to 2010. Hopefully it doesn't suck as bad as 2009.
This year hasn't been the best year on the surface. I've dealt with a lot of past emotions sneaking up on me. I've dealt with a lot of crappy situations. 
