I have many different groups of friends from various churches/ministries. Lately I feel like an odd duck...that I don't fit in anywhere. Maybe thats what a year of being on your own does to you. You get inside yourself. I don't mind it really but sometimes I miss feeling like a part of something.

Updates and Stuff

went back to work today. it was kind of low in numbers. thank God.

I am sleepy.

I am kind of watching greys anatomy. George is dead. that is sad. I cried. And then I laughed. The funniest scene of Greys anatomy is also the saddest.

I work 7-6 tommorow. Fun. :)

I should really go to bed.

I am going to campus life on monday. bittersweet.

trying not to be really really sad. i dont know what is wrong with me.

Today I was driving to the Valparaiso hospital to get an x-ray.

The leaves are changing. Last year and years before that I would be happy. Not this time.

I looked at the changing leaves and they didn't bring me any joy at all.

What are you supposed to do when you find out that former friends lied to you most of the time?

People should be telling me "I told you so". I feel like an idiot.

Was it even real?

A friendship based on lies? Was it even a real friendship?

I just got out of the hospital for phnemonia two days ago. I am currently in the worst mood. I don't feel good. I am probably going to have a bunch of bills to pay soon and I really, really, really don't want to go back to work. I have a headache just thinking about it. I feel like crying. I don't know what I am doing with my life. I don't know where I am going. I know I am over working myself but I can't do anything about that. People just don't understand. I am so stressed out. I just want to go away. Far, far away. It would be nice to be a little kid again, shielded from the real world. But here I am, and I don't know what to do.

7 Questions

7 Questions

Here are some questions to get to know each other better. If you don't want to answer, just say N/A. Not a problem!

1) What are 3 things you're looking for in a spouse? If you're already married, what are 3 things you admire about your spouse?

1. A Christian

2.Talk for hours about weird stuff & serious stuff

3. Pray together

(i'm sure there's more but whatever, God has the right one for me...somewhere.)

2) What would your dream job be? Are you doing it now? If not, what's stopping you?

A writer...and I kind of do it know. I've been writing a new story. What's stopping me? Writer's Block, A full time job, and lack of self confidence.

3) What's your favorite food?

n/a

4) What are 3 goals you have? 1-this week 2-within the year and 3-within your lifetime

1. To get through the week with no or little catastrophes

2. To save a lot of money for a car/savings account.

3. To live my life fully and completelty for God, even if I don't have the perfect life.

5) What amazes you the most about God?

That he always has a plan. What amazes me more is how often I forget that...

6) Name 3 traits you like about yourself.

1. My independence.

2. My handwriting.

3,) My compassion.

7) Name 3 things you don't like about yourself and what you're going to do to improve them.

1.) Lack of organization skills...I guess I can get organized people to help me...or get some post it notes.

2.) Overanalyzing things that I did wrong or could have done better...I will try and cast all my worries to the Lord

3.) I am extremely self-depricating. I'll pray about it.

Sometimes I amaze myself. Not in the way like, "Oh I am so amazing!" Or anything.

It just amazes me...how easily I forget that GOD is ALWAYS on my side. That he loves me and has a plan for me. It makes me so mad that I forget that I have him to turn to when I am feeling inferior. He knows what he is doing. I am not going to lead an ordinary life. I refuse.