2008

Here is my semi-traditional year wrap up. I thought I'd do it now because I need to keep my mind off Vivvian. We said good-bye this morning and my heart broke all over again. I'm going to miss her so much. I am so depressed now. I don't feel like doing anything. 

Ok, here we go: 

2008

January- My birthday party @ the Engels. Dinners with Shannah. 2nd Semester of my senior year started. I had a great schedule. I had lunch with Jakob and Maria and it was the best lunch ever even though half the time Jakob irritated the poop out of me. I got so much closer to him and Maria. It was amazing. There was also the ice skating with Campus Life student leaders which was memorable. =)

February-
Let's see there was winter weekend with cabin #5 haha poor man's Wisconsin. Um, I was still in my cookie making phase and the new VCC building opened that month. Not much else I can think of. 

March- 

Got accepted to the Honor Academy (barf), Candy entered my life (my dad's on and off hooker girlfriend), I started going to Faith church and took Korissa with me. Those were fun/awful days. Because I was hurt so much. I went to Adairs house alot. We played barbies too take out our anger on things. 

April-
Was very similar to March. I just went to church alot with Korissa and hung out with Adair all the time. Edmond and I got our purity rings w/ Aunt Mare at Faith Church. I currently have no idea where it is...only because its too big for me now...and always falls off my finger. 

May- 
Prom. Sunsets. Campus Life ending. Student leadership endeing. CLM ending.Track meets. Insanity. I loved last May but it was very emotional at the same time. Because everything was ending. Get off my bench day. I loved driving Jakob insane at lunch. It should have been one of my hobbies. haha. 

June- 
"Baby-sitting" Emily. haha. Last day of school. =( Graduation VIVVIAN! Stupidness. H's. Bananas in ears. Faith church w/ Korissa. Walks with Adair and her mom. Stupidness. 

July-
Florida. Finding out Honor Academy in Minnesota was shut down and stupidly deciding to go to Texas. "Going Away Party" (Even though I was only gone for 8 days it was very special and emotional that night because I thought I wasnt going to see anyone until freaking Christmas) Wisconsin. 

August- 
Saying goodbye to people. Hard. Honor Academy=death. Travis. Greyhound bus. Going home. The begin of finding a job. Living with the Engels.Adair went off to college.

September-
Moved in with Aunt Mare to find jobs in Munster. Babysitting for Claire!!! (I miss her so much!!!) Halloween stores. The flood. My kitty. The humane society. 

October-
Fall colors! TELETMARKETING!!!! BLAAAAAAAH! Going home FINALLY. More fall colors. Poor man's wisconsin w/ Aunt Mare. Loneliness. Searching for more jobs in Portage. Apple Orchard. My friendship with Katie began. Goats. 

November- 
Changes in friendships. Movies.Suckiness. Emily. Thanksgiving sucked. Finally got my laptop. Zoo tycoon w/ Emily. Whitehorse. Confusion. More fall colors. The end of fall colors. Spontaneous trips to Wisconsin. Scrapbooking.

December-
Falling in love with Barnes, WI all over again. Insanity w/ Aunt Mare aka my wemanise. More changes. Finally got a job. Emily. VIVVIAN. Not being into Christmas. Justin. Pretending everythings just fine (basicly being fake) Christmas suckishness. Starting job...and I dont know whats gonna happen in the next week So we'll see. 

ABC's of Me

A

- Available: not really

- Age: 18

- Annoyance: um being woken up early

- Animal: cats

- Actor: Denzel Washington

B

- Book: Bad Connection

- Birthday: Jan 13th

- Best friends:

- Brand of cell phone: nokia t-mobile

- Body part of opposite gender: hair, eyes

- Best feeling in the world— being with people that I love

- Blind or deaf: I'd choose blind. I couldnt live with out music.

- Been in love: no

- Been on stage: yeah

- Believe in Ghosts/ spirits: no ghosts. holy spirit.

- Believe in Evolution: no

C

- Car: I dont care. As long as it runs and gets me to wisconsin

- Crush: "I'm crushing your head. Crushing your head!"

- Candy: ew

- Cd: Wide Eyed, In This Life

- Color: I dont care.

- Cried in school: multiple times

- Chocolate/ vanilla: Chocolate

- Chinese/Mexican: food? chinese.

- Country to visit: Italy, Austraila, England

D

- Days of the week: I like Mondays. Yay One Tree Hill.

- Diamonds or Pearls: I think diamonds are prettier. But I dont really care...

- Dream car: Porsche- um, a new one that has good gas mileage?

- Dance in the rain: Havent done that in years.

E

- Easiest person to talk to: Um, I dont know. I feel like I have to be careful of what I say to every person I talk to.

- Eggs: come from chickens, and other versions of poultry

- Eyes: help people see things

- Everyone has to: go fly a kite.

F

- Favorite month: October.

- First Crush: Anthony Hatfield. lol.

- First thoughts wakiing up: Vivvian, get off of me.

- Food: is good.

- Full Name: Noelle Joi Clairissa Stein Curran

G

- Graduated: june 8, 08

- Greatest Fear: That I wont make a difference.

- Giver or Taker: Giver.

- Gum: is ok

- Get along w/ your parents: no comment

- Gummy Bears or Worms: Bears

H

- Hair Color: Brownish

- Height: 5’ 10 ish

- Happy: is a good feeling?

- How do you want to die?: not painfully

- Hate: is safer than love. (that was the first thing that came to mind)

- Hugs or Kisses: hugs are cool

I

- Ice Cream: is ok

- Instrument: basoon

- Insecurity: sucks

J

- Jail: would totally suck

- Jewelry: is stupid

- Job: somewhere in wisconsin

K

- Karma- doesnt exsist

- Kids: are cool

- Kickboxing: is cool for people who like kickboxing

- Keep a journal: yes

L

- Last Kiss- n.a

- Love: covers a multitude of sins

- Letter: Z!

- Lipstick or Lipgloss: neither

- Lion or Lamb: lambs are cuter

- Laughed so hard you cried: um never

- Longest car ride : to Florida

- Love at first sight: no

M

- Mooned anyone: no

- Most missed memory: lake geneva, 2006

- Marriage: would be nice one day, if I meet the right person

- Motion: ?

- McD’s or BK: McD's

- Morning or Night: Night

N

- Number of Siblings: 2

- Number of Piercings: 2

- Number of toes: 27

- Number of Tattoos: never

- Nickname: um, idk. too many

O

- Overused Phrases: lately: "I've got so many problems."

- One wish: to move to Wisconsin

- One Phobia: arachnophobia-phobia. hahah

- One Regret: being so passive

P

- Place you’d like to live: Wisconsin

- Perfect pizza: Caponies

- Pepsi/ Coke: Dr. Pepper

- Pets: none

- Pet Peeves: idk

- Part of your appearance you like best: my eyes

- Part of Personality: um, Im nice.

Q

- Quote: "I've got so many problems" "Nothing that can't be solved by staring at a lake."

- Quick or slow: slow

- Questionarres: are cool when you are bored

R

- Reason to cry: death, and sad things

- Reason to smile: um because Jesus loves you

- Reality T.V.: American Idol

- Radio Station: 105.3 the fish. =)

- Roll your tongue in a circle: thats fun

S

- Shoe Size: 11

- Salad dressing: peppercorn ranch

- Slept outside: yeah

- Seen a dead body: yes

- Skinny dipped: no

- Shower daily: yeah

- Sing well: mhm

- Stuffed animals: I love my monkey

- Sports: are cool for people who like sports

- Song last heard: Lost- Faith Hill

- Season: Fall

- Shoes: Whatever is at payless

- Single or Group Dates: i would probably like group dates...

- Strawberries/ blueberries: blueberries

- Sweet or salty: depends on my mood.

T

- Time you woke up: 9:00

- Time it is right now: 9:45

- Time you wish it was: 2010, maybe by then I'll be out of here.

- Time for bed: 2 or 3

- Thunderstorms: are cool sometimes

- TV: is a few feet away from me

- Touch your tongue to your nose: no

U

- Unpredictable: somewhat

- Under your bed: dont have an under the bed

V

- Vegetable that you despise:dont really have one

- Vacation Spot: WISCONSIN

- Voting: is a good thing

W

- When you grow up: i want to be far away from here

- Which one of your friends acts most like you?: noone

- Wish on stars: no

- Who makes you laugh the most: um...

- Worst feeling: chang

- Worst habit: um,

- Where are you going to travel to next: my grandparents to open gifts

- Worst weather: gloomy, rainy, cold fall days

X

- X-rays: help doctors see things

- X-cited: x

Y

- Year you were born: 1990

- Year it is now: 2008

- Yellow: bird

Z

- Zoo Animal: red panda

- Zodiac sign: horoscopes are stupid

LAST PERSON WHO…

1. Slept in a bed beside you: vivvian

2. Saw you cry: dad

3. You went to the mall with: i dont even remember

4. you went to dinner with: with shnnah

5. you talked to on the phone: shnnah

6. made you laugh: um, sandra bullock

Yeah, so I've just really moved on with my life in a lot of different ways. I dont miss it anymore. I don't miss my friends who are away as much as I did at first.The bottom line is, as horrible as it sounds, I just don't care anymore. I'm ready to move on. I'm going to save money for a year or two and then move to Wisconsin...I'm thinking way up north by Chris and Debbie. (They live near Hayward). I also really like Deluth, MN. It's right by Lake Superior and it is beautiful. Marilyn and I were talking about how natural and beautiful it is up there. (Hayward, not Deluth) It's like untouched. Some people call that the middle of nowhere but I honestly think that life was meant to be taken slow and not so rush-rush-stress...you know? Probably not. It's so hard to describe. I wish I could put it into words...I wish I could capture the feeling. I wish I was there right now. My heart just aches for it.

And before I thought maybe if I moved to Wisconsin that I would miss it here. I think that's changed. Well, except for Christy and VCC...I'd miss the church...but yeah, I'd find another church I like. I found Faith Church in those hard times I had last year. I mean don't get me wrong. I still love everyone that is in my life. I just need to start new and far away...and be my own boss. I'm so sick of people telling me what to do...and where I should be.

I need to be independent...on my own...and then I can marry a lumberjack.

Growing

I feel like I've grown a lot during these past months-even though most of the time I was miserable, I've learned so much. Sometimes our trials are what makes us a better person.

I have changed my views on a lot of stuff. I just feel weird about sharing it because I haven't told anyone. I don't know.

I've learned that the only one who is perfect and will not disappoint me is God. I know I've said that before I didn't really believe it. I didn't cling to it. I found comfort and love in people when I should have been ultimately looking to God. Because seriously, you never know when someone is going to leave you, or just simply be on a different walk in life...growing apart.

And I have so many dreams and visions about what I want to do and be in life. I have all these people telling me what I should and should not do. And who I am and who I can be...when Proverbs 16:9 says

"A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps." I need to really meditate on that. And believe it because I let myself get so discouraged because things dont go as planned....

I have more but I'm really tierd and somewhat uncomfortable. So I'm going to go.

 Gotta job. Yay. Start on Wed. (training) Thank God! A job where I don't have to annoy people/ change poopy diapers. Well, I talked to Christy about the daycare too. She said that I could maybe do some stuff for her in January. 10 dollars an hour!! Thats awesome! I really hope it works out. I need to save money so I can get out of this house...I need to open a savings account. I have a checking account but I also have an atm card which is not good. =) So yeah I'm gonna save like 75% of everything I earn. 10% goes to God and the rest for whatever I need. 

I've been listening to Faith Hill alot. It's funny, I used to hate country music. My mind has been better...in a way. I guess. Hard to explain. I'm not depressed anymore. But I do miss people. 
And a few others...
 I miss my mom! I'm gonna have to work in a trip in the near future. (BTW, I am not moving to Florida.)
 I miss Campus Life...
 I miss my best friend. =)
 I miss Korissa! I havent seen her since, like the day before Thanksgiving, which is completely ridiculous because we live like a block away from each other! 
 Arielle- she's back from college but I havent seen her yet. Edmond- I hardly remember the last time I saw him. But I talked to him today. =) It was good to hear his voice. Aunt Mare- It's been like a week, but it feels longer.
 I miss my sisters. Shannah moved out awhile ago and it's so lonely around here without her. I guess thats why I want a kitten so badly. Kittens are cute, and they keep you company. And I miss Vivvian almost all the time seeing as she lives in Florida. 

So my grandpa is in the intensive care unit. Kidney failure. Me, Dad, and Shannah are going to see him Sunday. Dad doesnt think he's going to make it. He saw him today and said he was weak. Dads all talking about how he's going to buy a new suit and how he thinks we need to say goodbye to him.

I can't take this. He's my closest family member. He's a christian, hes brought so much light into my life. I can't take it.