For Grandpa Joe

Dear Grandpa,

Hi, it's me, Noelle. You can't read this right now because you're in a hospital in Chicago. And apparently you aren't doing so well. I'm not doing very well either. I feel horrible that I didn't visit you as much as I should have. I want to be able to say good-bye to you but if I can't, well, this will be my good-bye.

My earliest memories of you are in your old house & your apartment with your parakeets. "Get Mona!" You'd always say to him. I would watch in amuzement as the bird pecked at "Mona". I loved visiting you every weekend. It was such a special moment. Now it's even more special thinking back.  I remember playing uno, with my family, you, and Aunt Theresa & Uncle Kevin. And the doll I got from you one Christmas. I have torn up my house looking for that doll...I want to hold it and smell the powdery fresh smell, so that maybe these memories will become more vivid. But I can't find it...I can't find any of the old things you've given me! I can't even find a picture of you to hold close to my heart.

Anyway, the years went by and you met Sylvia. She changed alot of things about you, including that old apartment. But I know you loved her. And I'm happy you got to spend those five years with her.

Junior year I had an assignment to interview an old war veteran. I chose you. We talked on the phone over it...I was in my bathroom. I was so grateful my teacher assigned that for us because I got to know you so much better. I'll never forget some of those stories. Now I appreciate that more than I did at the time.

There are little things that make you so special. The way you say "Oh boy!" Your laugh. Your caring heart. Your faith, especially.

I can't really say much else, but I love you. And I hope I can see you again and read you this letter.

Love,

Noelle

So, I drove to Milwaukee on Monday. I was totally not planning on it. But there I was on 94 west toward Chicago at 12 in the afternoon.

Let me start at the beginning...Friday I was told I would be getting 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. Finally, I would have consistancy...I was excited. Not only for the consistancy but also for the money. Maybe, I thought, just maybe I would finally be able to get out of that house and be on my own in a small studio apartment. I would be able to get the kitten I had I always wanted and name it Kenny. I would be able to not have to deal with my dad's lunatic behavior...In awhile at least.

I was even thinking about quitting at the Imax...but praise God, I didn't!

I go into work on Monday, all chipper and ready to play with the kids and change poopy diapers and then Christy calls me into her office and I'm told that we, again, have like 20 kids and we're over-staffed and they don't need me until 2. Every day. So my hours significantly change from 40 hours to 20. And my salary changes from 320 a week to 160 a week.

Later I decided I wanted to see my grandpa and Christy said I could have the day off to go see him...I went and followed directions from mapquest and somehow ended up in Harvey....(bad neighborhood...) So I gave up, turned around, and drove all the way to Milwaukee.

And what did I get from spontaneous trip to Wisconsin #3?

-A moose pen.

-Another Wisconsin bumper sticker.

-Shampoo.

I think I just needed to get out of town. I needed a break. Even though I love the new job...there are some things I don't love. Like certain people who treat me like I don't have a clue what I'm doing and others who can't get it through their heads that my name is NOELLE and NOT NICOLE! It's fine when you mistake my name once or twice but seriously, FIVE TIMES IN THREE HOURS???? WHAT IS THAT??

And then there's the fact that I'm never knowing where I am going to be.

"Noelle is going to be with the waddlers."

"No, Noelle is going to be with the toddlers..even though half of the toddlers are disobiediant animals and all pretty much hate her."

Let's just use Noelle for the things that we don't want to do. Because she's the new person.

Ok, not everyone I work with act like that...but some do. And ok, I guess it's better than working with some of the people at the IMAX but it's more personal and dramatic there because I've been at that church for sooo flipping long. And it hurts when people you've known for...like 11 years treat you poorly.

So, yeah. I don't know. I just don't know. I still love it there. I love Christy. But some things/people are.....UGH!

I had a really strange dream last night. I don't remember alot of the details. I just remember kissing some guy, like making out with him...I think.  (Which I am totally not going to do until I am at least engaged!) And I knew it wasn't good. I didn't know who he was but he wasn't a christian. It felt good. And when I woke up I was mad because I didn't want the dream to end.

I think interpretation to this has has a few obvious meanings. (You gotta love the subconcious...)

I really like this guy at work...and I know it can never happen because he isn't in my moral leage. But still, I look forward to seeing him...think about him alot...etc. It's not good. I don't want to get myself in trouble, but at the same time, it's SO exciting to like someone....I havent liked someone in sooo long. I mean REALLY like someone.

And another thing- I really want to be in a relationship-finally! Im Noelle, no relationship, no conflict girl. I always talk about how I never want to get married. But I do. Or at least right now, I want to just go on a date. Feel awkward. Hold hands. Be cute!

But yeah that was a weeeird dream and I feel bad for having it even though I didn't even do anything.

And oh by the way, working at the daycare makes me completely excited to be a mom one day. I love the kids. All of them. Even the ones that constantly try my patience. That was random...ok. Im done

Goals

SO I'm going to be working at Sonshine Academy...a.k.a Victory Christian Center's daycare. This makes me very excited. VERY excited. Eight dollars an hour cash. Working with kids....its going to be awesome.

So here is my plan:

1.) Continue working at Imax also. (This will be my spending money for gas and other things)

2.) The money I get from the daycare I will save and build up my savings account.

3.) I will then apply for a credit card and use it wisely so I will have a good credit report and then be able to get an apartment.

4.) Get an apartment.

5.) ?

Short term goals my friend, short term goals....

I hope it all works out..

I loooooooove 50 degrees so much. I feel ill. I saw people today. Dustin specifically. I havent seen him in so long and that made me smile. I miss last year. I miss Whitney. I miss Lindsay. I miss Jakob. I always thought we'd keep in better touch. But we didnt. And that sucks.

Tomorrow I work 5-1 usher. That is yucky.

Saturday is Marks going away party.

Sunday I am going to church and than going out to lunch with Jenny. That is cool. After that I'm going to work concession. 3-9 which is even more yucky.

Monday is an employee meeting, and that scares the crap out of me because I have no idea whats going on.

Wed. I work 1-6 usher. And that isnt as yucky.

And then I will start it all over again.

I'm listening to Carrie Underwood right now. "I Know You Won't" That song makes me blue.

I really need to clean my car out.

I have to use the potty.

Goodbye.

Michigan!!!

I have come to the conclusion that Michigan is Wisconsin's imposter. It's the truth!! Michigan stalks me. No joke. Here's the evidence.

-Dad's 20 year old girlfriend originated there. He makes frequent trips there to take her back...and forth and back and forth...etc.

-I always hear those "Travel Michigan" commercials on the radio-with the serene piano music, making it sound all marvelous. And it knows that I love serene piano music. It's trying to lure me in and make me love it more than Wisconsin!

-Marley & Me- the people originated from Michigan.

-I hear something about Michigan like every day. No joke. Whether it's something on Facebook or a random stranger talking about Michigan.

Michigan is trying to lure me in...it all started last year when I went to Winter Weekend w/Campus Life. Adair and I talked a long time, I mean ALL NIGHT in cabin number 5 on the first night. We said that Cabin #5 would be poor man's Wisconsin. Oh, well you know what I think? I think that Cabin #5 wanted to be Wisconsin so much that it plotted on making me love Michigan more than Wisconisn....so that I would be satisfied and no longer needing poor man's Wisconsin.

Yeah, I think I've flipped my lid... Sometimes my imagination shocks me. Like bearded Jack...that's just the kind of thing that no one else really gets. Like an inside joke with myself. You know you've become too much of a loner when you start making up inside jokes with yourself.. I have a ton of inside jokes with myself. Fortunatly for all of you reading this...I will keep those inside. hahaha.

I declare this random post about Michigan....over.

25 Things People Should Know About Noelle

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you.

If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you! (or I just want you to know these things)

(To do this, go to “notes” under tabs on your profile page, paste these instructions in the body of the note, type your 25 random things, tag 25 people (in the right hand corner of the app) then click publish.)

1.) I prefer staying home in my bed watching Lost, Gilmore Girls, or One Tree Hill on my days off (even if I watched all the episodes) to going out and socializing and stuff. It's less dramatic and doesn't give me things to overanalyze.

2.) I overanalyze EVERYTHING!!!! And I remember mostly everything that everyone says to me or does to me.

3.) I want a pet really bad but dont want to have to give it up if I find an apartment that is affordable when Im ready to be out of the house. Plus my dad wont let me.

4.) I can't see myself living a normal life. It's hard to explain. I just can't see it. And I guess I really dont want a normal life.

5.) I am very sensitive and my feelings get hurt over super-small things but somehow I never show it, and when I do it doesnt seem to matter to anyone.

6.) It really bothers me when people complain about missing people they love- because most of them don't have to miss their Mother and younger sister every six months.

7.) I'm way too passive and often agree to do things I don't want to do: like giving my shifts away at work when I need the money.

8.) I have no interest in expensive clothing items, purses, food, anything...the largest purchase that I will make is a box set of dvds for 40 dollars.

9.) Sometimes it feels like I care more about people who I consider close friends than they care about me...and I guess that is also why I prefer #1.

10.) I can't stand it when people judge people based on one occurence. It makes me want to pull out my hair. Although Im sure Ive done that before. That is also why I prefer #1.

11.) I don't like it when people tell me what to do with my life and plot my life. It freaks me out.

12.) This time 5 years from now I hope to be far, far away in a small town in Wisconsin where I will be known as the town loner with all the animals hidden away in her apartment like Ace Ventura.

13.) The word ointment disturbs me. It always has.

14.) I can't stand Twilight. I think it's ridiculous that everyone is in love with a fictional character.

15.) I can't wait to be on my own.

16.) I want to get married one day but really have no interest in dating anyone right now because I want to enjoy my singlehood- seriously, how am I supposed to have loner days when I have a have a boyfriend/husband/kids/etc.? Plus I enjoy spontaneous trips to Wisconsin.

17.) I have so many story ideas but I have a hard time putting them on paper.

18.) I love my Mommy and my little sister Vivvian and wish that Florida was closer to Indiana.

19.) And I love all of my family. Even if half of them drive me insane.

20.) I think my fake Aunt Mare is the best fake aunt in the universe and is also probably one of my best friends. I miss the days when it was just me and her scrapbooking and going to Potbellys. Well, we only went to Potbellys like 3 times. But still.

21.) When I have little or no sleep, the following can and will happen: I will be forgetful, I will drive like a maniac, I may burst out phrases like: the eskimos are salsa dancing in WYOMING!, I might say things that are unusally agressive for me that I mean but didnt mean to say to a person, and I may or may not randomly collapse if walking or standing.

22.) Honor Academy has made a great impact on my ability to trust certain things. And I still think about it alot and have nightmares about it every once in awhile. It's not pleasent.

23.) I love sunsets. And I love taking pictures of sunsets.

24.) I work at the IMAX and find it completly disgusting, upsetting, and completly disrespectful when people leave their trash in the theaters. When I am an usher a thought that I often think is "People. Are. Slobs!!!!"

25.) I obsess easily. (That wasn't a good final statement was it?)