What are you supposed to do when you find out that former friends lied to you most of the time?

People should be telling me "I told you so". I feel like an idiot.

Was it even real?

A friendship based on lies? Was it even a real friendship?

I just got out of the hospital for phnemonia two days ago. I am currently in the worst mood. I don't feel good. I am probably going to have a bunch of bills to pay soon and I really, really, really don't want to go back to work. I have a headache just thinking about it. I feel like crying. I don't know what I am doing with my life. I don't know where I am going. I know I am over working myself but I can't do anything about that. People just don't understand. I am so stressed out. I just want to go away. Far, far away. It would be nice to be a little kid again, shielded from the real world. But here I am, and I don't know what to do.

7 Questions

7 Questions

Here are some questions to get to know each other better. If you don't want to answer, just say N/A. Not a problem!

1) What are 3 things you're looking for in a spouse? If you're already married, what are 3 things you admire about your spouse?

1. A Christian

2.Talk for hours about weird stuff & serious stuff

3. Pray together

(i'm sure there's more but whatever, God has the right one for me...somewhere.)

2) What would your dream job be? Are you doing it now? If not, what's stopping you?

A writer...and I kind of do it know. I've been writing a new story. What's stopping me? Writer's Block, A full time job, and lack of self confidence.

3) What's your favorite food?

n/a

4) What are 3 goals you have? 1-this week 2-within the year and 3-within your lifetime

1. To get through the week with no or little catastrophes

2. To save a lot of money for a car/savings account.

3. To live my life fully and completelty for God, even if I don't have the perfect life.

5) What amazes you the most about God?

That he always has a plan. What amazes me more is how often I forget that...

6) Name 3 traits you like about yourself.

1. My independence.

2. My handwriting.

3,) My compassion.

7) Name 3 things you don't like about yourself and what you're going to do to improve them.

1.) Lack of organization skills...I guess I can get organized people to help me...or get some post it notes.

2.) Overanalyzing things that I did wrong or could have done better...I will try and cast all my worries to the Lord

3.) I am extremely self-depricating. I'll pray about it.

Sometimes I amaze myself. Not in the way like, "Oh I am so amazing!" Or anything.

It just amazes me...how easily I forget that GOD is ALWAYS on my side. That he loves me and has a plan for me. It makes me so mad that I forget that I have him to turn to when I am feeling inferior. He knows what he is doing. I am not going to lead an ordinary life. I refuse.

Gosh this week has been rough. I wish the weekend could last forever.

I am going to stay as far away from people as I can.

This week was SO stressful at work. It felt like every day was 17 years. No joke.

& It does not help that for the past two or three days I have been unexplainably emotional.

Today I was out with the three to five year olds at recess. I finally started to cry....and of course the kids then decide they all want a drink of water...So it went kind of like this.

Kid: Miss Noelle, I'm thiiiirsty!

Me: Hold on. (Through a sob..)

It's really not the kids that make me so stressed out. It's the inconsistancy. Sometimes I feel like a bouncy ball. It's making me crazy. Ask Shannah...

 I love all of the kids. There's a special few that I have really bonded with. So much that when I clock out I stay anyway just to spend time with them.

Working with kids is a possible career choice I think....I don't know what age group, Maybe some kids who don't wet themselves. :)

Glory

My favorite song as of Winter of 2008 is a song called Glory by Selah & Nichole Nordeman. I've listened to it probably a thousand times. I still listen to it like once a day. It's not only a beautiful melody but the lyrics are also beautiful and very, very true.

One day eyes that are blind will see you clearly

And one day all who deny will finally believe

One day hearts made of stone will break in pieces

And one day chains once unbroken will fall down at your feet

So we wait for that one day come quickly

Chorus

We want to see your Glory

Every knee falls down before thee

Every tongue offers you praise

With every hand raised

Singing Glory

To you and unto you only

We'll sing Glory to Your name

One day voices that lie will all be silent

(For awhile I thought of this line as people who tell lies won't be able to tell them anymore. It was on my way home from taking my friend back to school when I saw the line from a different perspective. One day Satan will be defeated, along with the demons that torment us with self depricating thoughts. They feed lies into us through movies, books, and music. Telling us we need to be smarter, that we aren't good enough, not pretty enough, not thin enough, not muscley enough. They torment some until they are deep into depression. They convince some that ending their lives is the only way out. One day those voices will be gone.)

One day all that's divided will be whole again

One day death will retreat and wave it's white flag

One day love will defeat the strongest enemy

So we wait for that one day come quickly

Rev 20:1-3I saw an angel coming down out of heaven, having the key to the Abyss and holding in his hand a great chain. 2He seized the dragon, that ancient serpent, who is the devil, or Satan, and bound him for a thousand years. 3He threw him into the Abyss, and locked and sealed it over him, to keep him from deceiving the nations anymore until the thousand years were ended. After that, he must be set free for a short time.

We know not the day or the hour

Or the moments in between

But we know the end of the story

When we'll see(your glory)

Mark 13:32 (KJV) — But of that day and that hour knoweth no man, no, not the angels which are in heaven, neither the Son, but the Father.

FYI: I want this song played at my wedding...or my funeral....whichever comes first. :) Glory!

Updates/News/Whatever

Updates/News/Whatever.

1.) I quit at the IMAX. =( It really did break my heart to do that....even if that sounds lame, it's true. But it was best for my sanity. Saturday was my last night. It wasn't really that fun of a last night. I was with Jamie Rogers who I can't stand. (I can say that now that I'm never going to see her again...) All she does is gossip and talk about how she's a lesbian. It's always very awkward working with her. (Well, not anymore.)

The last hour she tried to pawn off all the work she didn't want to do on me....what else is new?

Her: Noelle, go change that trash can.

Me: I've changed like 89 trashcans tonight...can you or Katie do it?

Her: No. (Insert some stupid excuse)

Me: It is my last night...my last hour of work....I have not been lazy in my five months of working here. Tonight I am choosing to be lazy. I do not want to change that trash can.

Her: Well, it's your last hour...don't be a slacker. (Or something like that.)

Me: Yeah I'm gonna go talk to Steve real quick.

I walked over to Steve and Michelle and Darren...they were talking or something.

Steve: It's your last night.

Me: I have 50 minutes...well, actually 49 minutes.

Steve: Go shave the carpets....and the ceiling tiles.

Me: Ha ha. Youre funny.

(Insert inappropriate comments from Darren and Michelle....just like normal)

Steve: But you can leave if you want.

Me: YES!

Steve: Jamie, Katie, do you need her for anything else?

Them: No

Me: *inside* Hahahaha what now, jerks???

I got away without changing that garbage. So I was a mindless slacker for 99% of the time I worked at that place. That's alot better than the other 30 something employees there.

And I went home....feeling really somber. I had a lot of good memories there.

Such as:

1.) My first night, Christmas Day, when I was an usher and I walked so much that it took me 30 minutes to get to my car from the back of the building. (I was ignorant, and didn't know that snowboots were not going to cut it...)

2.) The first time I worked concessions and my drawer was 15 dollars off...

3.) Underworld: Rise of the Lycans. I HATED THOSE ENDING CREDITS! SERIOUSLY! They were sooooo. evil sounding. Whenever I had to clean that theater I would end up praying inside or singing worship songs.

4.) When Paul Blart came out and never went away....

5.) Snowstorms.

6.) Inappropriate walkie talkie behavior.

7.) Marie Digby.

8.) Work friends: Yercely, Brittnay, Jakob Ribar, Joe, Jacob Vincent, Jackie, Erik, Belinda, Shannon, Alex, Most of the managers, And other people who's names I still dont know. Hahaha.

9.) Making mistakes. Josh making me cry because I made mistakes.

10.) Closing fun.

11.) Closing usher for the first time & the last time. Horrible!

12.) Kevin Engel being my co worker... :)

And quitting.

There was good and there was bad. But it was a great first job. I wouldn't trade that expirience for anything. I learned alot. I learned to love people who are hard to love. I want so bad for them to God.

2.) I want to get married. Like now. Kind of. Ok not married....but be in a relationship.