Healing and Thankfulness

Three years ago I went to the Honor Academy after high school and it was only for five days but it was clear to me that things that were going on there were not right. Even though my dad already paid for two months of the internship, I made the hard decision with fervent prayer and the Lord showed me this verse when I was making that difficult decision.

Galatians 1:6-10

6 I am astonished that you are so quickly deserting the one who called you to live in the grace of Christ and are turning to a different gospel— 7 which is really no gospel at all. Evidently some people are throwing you into confusion and are trying to pervert the gospel of Christ. 8 But even if we or an angel from heaven should preach a gospel other than the one we preached to you, let them be under God’s curse! 9 As we have already said, so now I say again: If anybody is preaching to you a gospel other than what you accepted, let them be under God’s curse!

 10 Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.

I thank the Lord that He showed me that I was making the right decision. 

I thank the Lord that I got out safely and got home safely on that thirty hour bus ride.

And I thank Dawn and Kevin Engel for supporting me while I was there and when I decided to go home. 

And I thank all that did support my decision in leaving. 

And I thank MSNBC and the woman that started recoveringalumni.com for giving me confirmation that I made the right decision. And for helping thousands of hurting people that left Honor Academy. 

And this is probably hardest to say, I thank God for my short five day expirience at Honor Academy. It pushed me to seek the Lord more than I ever had and even though there was a lot of confusion and pain afterwards I grew so much closer to God through the expirience. I also realized through my bus ride home one of my passions in life is to help minister to homeless people. I thank God for Travis in that little bus station in Tyler, Texas. He felt blessed by me but in so many ways I was blessed by him. 

Thank you Lord, for pain & for recovery. 

Amen. 

Love Keeps No Record of Wrongs

Something I wanna share. 

This morning I woke up to a dream where I was holding a book of records of all the times I've been hurt. 

I thought about the dream as I got up and headed for the shower when I remembered part of the verse from 1 Corinthians 13:5  ...Love keeps no record of wrongs

And it kind of gently slapped me in the face. 

If I keep hanging on to the things that have been said or done to me that hurt me, I will not be able to truly love.

If I hold things against my friends and my family and other people around me, I am putting a wedge between myself and them. And ultimately I am putting a wedge between myself and God. (Forgive..as your heavenly father has forgiven you.) 

And I realized that even if I play it out as "its all just fine" attitude and the other person thinks I'm ok..but I keep hanging on to the hurt and keep thinking of what they did to hurt me, they may think we're perfectly fine...and they're fine. But I am sipping on a cup of poison that eats at my heart, taking aways so much of the relationship I could have with God and people. Taking away so much of my ability to truly love. 

If you know me well, you know that I am an extremely sensitive person. 

And you also know that I have an overactive brain and overanalyze to the point where I can't sleep.

I get caught up on the past often. 

And I realized through this dream. 

That even though I have been made this way, I need to change something..or bitterness and pain from the past wrongs will eat me alive. 

And yes, people make bad choices that make it seem like God wasn't telling the truth when He said He has a plan to prosper me and not to harm me. But that's the amazing thing about free will. We make choices. And they're not always the right ones. And once they've been made there is no turning back. And sometimes our choices hurt people. But God works with it. He works in the hurt and in the pain. He always makes somehing beautiful come from it.

And He is ALWAYS there. He's there with me when I'm crumpled and wondering why. He's there when everythings right. And He is even there when I am angry, accusing, and questioning Him. And even when I want to give Him up...He is still there. 

He is always there. Through all the times I reject Him and his commands. And He never bitterly keeps records of all those times I've betrayed him. He forgives. He gave his son so I can live. ....So why aren't I living? Why am I letting the past keep me down. Why have I stopped fighting the fight? 

And if I want to be like Jesus...I need to do the same thing He does for me. 

I need to aim for perfect love. The kind of love 1 Corinthians 13 talks about. 

I need to throw away that book of wrongs that I have hidden in my heart....and for the last time, let it go. 

And start living life. 

And re-learn what it's like to really, really love. 

Colossians 3:12-14 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone.Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

1 Corinthians 13 4-8 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, itkeeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 Italways protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

 8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

Colossians 3:13

It doesn't matter about who was right and who was wrong anymore...

It doesn't matter if you've forgiven me for things that I've done.

I am choosing to forgive. I am choosing to move past this.

We are both loved children of God and one day we will stand face to face before Him.

I want to stand before Him one day without an ounce of bitterness or resentment in my heart.

I am letting go.

I forgive you.

Colossians 3:13

Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.