Jeremiah 23

On Saturday, Jeremiah 23 was the next thing for me to read in my bible reading schedule. It really stuck out to me.

  

“What sorrow awaits the leaders of my people—the shepherds of my sheep—for they have destroyed and scattered the very ones they were expected to care for,” says the Lord.

 ² Therefore, this is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says to these shepherds: “Instead of caring for my flock and leading them to safety, you have deserted them and driven them to destruction. Now I will pour out judgment on you for the evil you have done to them. ³ But I will gather together the remnant of my flock from the countries where I have driven them. I will bring them back to their own sheepfold, and they will be fruitful and increase in number. ⁴ Then I will appoint responsible shepherds who will care for them, and they will never be afraid again. Not a single one will be lost or missing. I, the Lord have spoken!

 ⁵ “For the time is coming,”

Verses three and four really hit me.

Even though teen mania, the ones that were supposed to protect us and were supposed to help lead us to safety, they led some of us astray. But what God says is truth. I see it in the blog. I see it in the hurting people. He’s gathering the lost and the hurting up, He’s making it so we will be fruitful, so we will increase in number, and he will give us responsible shepherds. We will never be afraid again.

This is not only for people that were led astray buy abusive internships but for any Christian that was wronged and who’s faith was shaken by another’s harsh words or misguided actions. I believe that God has His hand on us, especially those who are hurting and broken. He accepts us when it seems like everyone else has rejected us. 

Healing and Thankfulness

Three years ago I went to the Honor Academy after high school and it was only for five days but it was clear to me that things that were going on there were not right. Even though my dad already paid for two months of the internship, I made the hard decision with fervent prayer and the Lord showed me this verse when I was making that difficult decision.

Galatians 1:6-10

6 I am astonished that you are so quickly deserting the one who called you to live in the grace of Christ and are turning to a different gospel— 7 which is really no gospel at all. Evidently some people are throwing you into confusion and are trying to pervert the gospel of Christ. 8 But even if we or an angel from heaven should preach a gospel other than the one we preached to you, let them be under God’s curse! 9 As we have already said, so now I say again: If anybody is preaching to you a gospel other than what you accepted, let them be under God’s curse!

 10 Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.

I thank the Lord that He showed me that I was making the right decision. 

I thank the Lord that I got out safely and got home safely on that thirty hour bus ride.

And I thank Dawn and Kevin Engel for supporting me while I was there and when I decided to go home. 

And I thank all that did support my decision in leaving. 

And I thank MSNBC and the woman that started recoveringalumni.com for giving me confirmation that I made the right decision. And for helping thousands of hurting people that left Honor Academy. 

And this is probably hardest to say, I thank God for my short five day expirience at Honor Academy. It pushed me to seek the Lord more than I ever had and even though there was a lot of confusion and pain afterwards I grew so much closer to God through the expirience. I also realized through my bus ride home one of my passions in life is to help minister to homeless people. I thank God for Travis in that little bus station in Tyler, Texas. He felt blessed by me but in so many ways I was blessed by him. 

Thank you Lord, for pain & for recovery. 

Amen. 

Leaving the HA

So, I suppose most of you have heard about how I came left Honor Academy thursday morning.(I tagged people in this note who I knew didn't know the details...or didn't even know I had left.) I got on a bus and arrived in Hammond, IN at about 11:30 a.m. So I had a 24 hour trip home... And I can probably guess what you are thinking... "Why did Noelle leave after only 5 days of being there? She must have been homesick. Why didn't she just stick it out a little bit longer?" 

Trust me, I would wonder the same things if I were you guys...

So here's why: (in very short, non-descriptive, way because there are too many reasons as to why I left the HA. Way too many to write down here.)

1.) I did not trust what I was being taught. 
2.) There was a commitment banquet on Friday and I felt so strong in disaggreement of what I was being taught & what I would be doing for the next year. I couldn't committ myself to them. I could not promise I would stay for a whole year.
3.) For Anchors Away Students- Read the section called "What is a cult?" That's where I was.
4.) Their views on fasting was messed up. I believe fasting is an individual thing, a secret between God and an individual. But they have a requuired event where you must fast and you are not allowed to talk and by the end you are expected to have your purpose from God...something about that just rubs me the wrong way. 
5.)There was a secretive event called ESOAL, it was optional but if you chose not to do it you would have to scrub toilets or something. And noone who goes to the event is allowed to speak about it with other people. Again, something about that rubs me the wrong way.
6.) My spirit never really felt settled in the place. And I had prayed, and prayed, for a way to adjust and then I realized it was not JUST homesickness. Something about the place was not right. It just did not feel right in my heart. So I had been praying about if this place was the right place for me. I was also talking to someone about it. She was digging and digging and looking up things online about the Honor Academy. God spoke to her, and it was warning that I should not be there... I was going to leave after my money ran out but when I heard what God spoke to her, I knew I needed to leave. We both aggreed on it. 
7.) I was reading through my bible, looking for confirmation on whether or not I should leave the Honor Academy. If my suspicions were right about it, if my unsettled heart was correct. Then I prayed for God to give me a verse and I recieved this.

Galations 1:6-7 6 I am astonished that you are so quickly deserting the one who called you by the grace of Christ and are turning to a different gospel— 7which is really no gospel at all. Evidently some people are throwing you into confusion and are trying to pervert the gospel of Christ.

Yeah so that answer was pretty clear. (Note to Anchors Away students: this verse was also in the section about cults.) 

So that is why I left. There are about a million other reasons...I could write for hours! 

However, I did get some out of it. (No thanks to what I was taught or anything.) I feel way closer to God! I had to hold on to him for dear life! I felt him speak to me more than I have in a long time because I was in the word so much. So I guess I am just thinking that this was my five day retreat with the Lord. I had to be strong and stick up for my right to leave (I was against many manipulitive people when I made my decision to leave.) I also learned that I do need structure in my life, and I will start eating healthier no matter how hard it is considering no one is there to tell me what to eat. I also learned about myself- I am not always the passive, go with the flow girl, when I feel something is wrong I will step out and make it stop. So that was my five day retreat with God-the hardest, scariest days of my life. I will still have nightmares about that place but I will get through it...

(Note: If you have any questions...or want to know my other stories in depth please call me. The last thing I want is for people to misinterpret anything I said on here. My number is 707-2032 and my e-mail is noellecurran@yahoo.com.) 

God bless, stay strong, AND READ YOUR BIBLE AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE! SERIOUSLY! IT WILL SAVE YOUR LIFE ONE DAY! 
The End. 
In Christ, 
A changed Noelle.

Two more days and I will be in Texas. I think my mind is going crazy thinking about all I have to get done before then. Today is my day with Aunt Mare. Tonight is my last service at Faith Church, and that makes me sad. Pastor Kevin -one of my favorites, is preaching and that makes me happy. (I'm so full of emotion.) Tonight is my last night with Arielle and Edmond. Arielle is going to college on Tuesday. Jakob and Korissa may come over too. And I think Marilyn's student, Rachel will be here too. She is in Master's  Commission, which is very similar to Honor Academy. So I'll talk with her more about that. 

Tomorrow is a day of tissues. I am going to drive around portage and say my farewells to my friends. I probably won't cry around people. I will cry in a strange awkward time that not only surprises me but whoever else is around me. I also have to finish putting my pictures online! I am only up to March 2007. I don't know if I'll be getting any sleep on Thursday night. I will probably end up staying up all night and fall asleep on the plane. Oh and I also still need to find my 2nd blue blazer and my 2nd dress shirt. Ugh. And I need to do laundry and finish packing. 

So I have a lot to do. And my mind doesn't seem to want to stop thinking. It's quite annoying.

But I am excited. I am excited to meet my new classmates. I am excited for structure. I am excited for a Godly atmosphere to live in. I am excited to learn and grow as a Christian, and I know I will. 

That is all.

I was on my way to the choir concert listening to Avalon- (they are awesome). During a song called Adonai I asked God for what seems like the billioneth time why certain things don't go they way I had hoped and finally, I have had a catharsis: Sometimes we don't get the things that we want because it will stand in the way between our relationship with God. I am happy that some things haven't worked out for me that used to sound appealing. There is NO way I would be this passionate about God if it had worked out.

That is all.

Song of the day: Can't Live A Day by Avalon

I could live life alone
And never fill the longings of my heart
The healing warmth of someone's arms
And I could live without dreams
And never know the thrill of what could be
With every star so far and out of reach
I could live without many things
And I could carry on, but...

CHORUS
I couldn't face my life tomorrow
Without Your hope in my heart I know
I can't live a day without You
Lord, there's no night and there's no morning
Without Your loving arms to hold me
You're the heartbeat of all I do
I can't live a day without You

I could travel the world
See all the wonders beautiful and new
They'd only make me think of You
And I could have all life offers
Riches that were far beyond compare
To grant my every wish without a care
Oh, I could do anything, oh yes
But if You weren't in it all...

CHORUS

Oh, Jesus, I live because You live
You're like the air I breathe
Oh, Jesus, I have because You give
You're everything to me

This is definatly the song of my heart right now.

P.S. I want to go to the Honor Academy more than ever right now. But if I don't get accepted or it doesn't work out, I'll take it that it's not God's will for me.

EDIT: EW! HONOR ACADEMY!

Honor Academy Part 2

I got an e-mail from Anthony Pitiol. He said that all I needed was the application fee and I'd be ready to start preparing for the road to next August. Mom and I paid the application fee. So... wow.