I havent been doing much lately. Going to school, babysitting, and working. But there's periods where I dont do anything for days. And I love it. I think its to make up for my lack of rest for nine months. I am still dealing with replaying things that happened in my head over and over again. It hurts either way I look at it. And then there's times that I wonder if I was the problem. Self-doubt. But no, I know that I did my best there and I've tried to talk with the people that have hurt me and it didnt work. I've done all that I can do. I just want to be over it. I want to fast forward to a time in the future that I don't care anymore. 

I know thins is going to be harder than most of the things I've dealt with. This is up there with my mom leaving and my dad's hooker situation. I was hurt by people that I trusted and grew up with. It's going to take some time. 

I am the type of person that invests herself in things so much that when something happens it hurts me deeply. 

I dont know what I did wrong. I dont know why they thought it was ok to treat my friend the way they did and then expect me to take their side. I dont know why they think it's ok to treat people like they do because they're in leadership at the church.

They were such a big part of my life and to be ignored and blindsided just ruins every great memory I had with them. 

I need to forgive. I need to heal. I need some prayer. Please. Whoever reads this.