A really boring nostalgic sentimental post about my car.

My car is sick. Something about a radiator..or valves..I don't know. It's at the doctor. (With a mechanic.) I don't think I realized how much I'm gonna miss my car when it completely kicks the bucket until today. I won't have a way to get around and I don't have much of a savings account, but that's not the only reason why I'm going to have a hard time saying good-bye to good ol' whatever I named it...I feel like if she was a girl she would be Betsy, and if he was a boy he would be Henry.

Henry/Betsy has been with me since I first got my driver's licence in 2007. I remember my first trip in it was to Adair's house. I ordered a doctor pepper and the creepy burger king guy gave me a oversized cup full of soda for free and it didn't fit in my cup holder. It spilled all over my passenger seat and then I almost hit a rabbit.

It carried me through great times and bad times. Blasting Delta Goodrem and chasing sunsets. Spontaneous trips to wal-mart. Crying over silly high school drama while listening to sad music.

I can't count the minor fender benders I've had in it....or maybe I can.

●     May '07 I accidently rear ended a couple at a stop sign because I was so excited that I bought Dejavu from Walmart that day

●     Summer '07 I ran into a pole at the gas station.

●     Fall '07 I left my lights on and my friend Ryan helped me jump my car. The wind was extremely heavy and the hood blew back and cracked the windshield.

●     I parked on the street one night and a car ran into our mailbox and my car making the lovely dent on the right side of the car. It also took out my side mirror.

●     Dec 2008- My dad decided to use a shovel to get the ice off my back windshield and the next day (Christmas Eve) I was on my way to the pancake thingy at Mare's and I started my car when I noticed it was unusally chilly in my car. Thats when I walked out and stared at the gaping hole and the shattered glass that was everywhere.

●     Fall 2009 I was driving down a bridge distracted by something...and rear ended a really nice lady. We met at the library later that night because the officer gave us the wrong licences.

●     Fall 2010 I hit a deer. It took out my right headlight.

●     Some lady rear ended me in a target parking lot in December of 2010

It was the gateway to my escapes to Wisconsin when life got hard. I would just gas up the car at pump number five and drive until I got somewhere that my troubles weren't as overwhelming.

It's moved my things when I've moved 11 times since 2008.

When my dad was slightly mentally unstable and made me go somewhere else to stay spontaneously, it got me there.

Sadly, my car has been the only stable and steadfast thing in my life. I could always depend on it.

Even when I left my lights on, I knew somehow the battery would start again.

Even when I got in an accident or had close calls, I trusted that it would be ok.

I hope that my car is ok.

I'm not ready to say goodbye to it just yet..

It's a love hate relationship.

Thoughts 1-12-11

by Noelle Joi Curran on Wednesday, 12 January 2011 at 06:46

These past four days have been very interesting. I feel different than I did last Saturday, about many things. A hunger has developed in me. I want God. I want to learn and grow and be the best person I can be.

I just finished the book "Rachel's Tears" for the 3rd time. It tells the story of Rachel Scott, a victim of the Columbine school shooting in 1999. I read the book first when I was in eighth grade. It was given to me by my old youth pastors. Rachel had such a passion for God and such an intimate relationship with him that was evident to everyone around her and especially evident through her journals.

I devoured the book for the third time got things out of it that I didn't the first time. After a visit to a homeless shelter, a meeting with a pastor, reading "Rachel's Tears", and spending longer than fifteen minutes in my quiet time with the Lord I am full of thoughts. Here are some of them:

●     Life is short. Whether we live long lives or for only a brief time, like Rachel Scott did, life is short. It is just a blink in time. My life could end in an instant. Your life could end in an instant. I want every day to matter. I don't want to let a moment pass by wasted. I don't want to just go through the motions of a typical Christian lifestyle. I want to be completely 100% sold out to God. I want to walk with him with every thing I do, everywhere I go, and every word that I speak. I want to shine for Him and more than anything, when people look at me, I want them to see Jesus.

●     I'm done with this pity party. For 7 years now I've let myself be sad about things. My parents' divorce. Half my family being in FL, and the other half in IN. Being hurt by friends. Being hurt by the church. I'm letting go. I'm done with being sad. I'm all cried out. I'm giving it to God. Every day, giving it to God, and moving on with my life, determined to not be the cause for someone else's sadness one day.

●     Forgiveness is important. I need to continue to forgive those that hurt me. I want to be able to be light hearted, letting hurts go as soon as they come. I cannot control my fellow man's actions. We all have free will. So God cannot prevent people from hurting me. Just as he cannot prevent me from hurting people. It is so easy to become bitter. And I don't want to leave this earth with bitterness in my heart.

●      Since August 2008 I have been confused about two things, the gifts of prophecy and the gift of tongues. The church I used to belong to and the church I belong to now have different views on the topic. And I'm still confused. However, I love the verse 1 Corinthians 13: 1-2 "If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing." Love is the greatest. It covers a multitude of sins. God is love. What does all this matter without love? I've come to my own conclusions about these topics based on what the bible says and I am also keeping in mind, 1 Thessalonians 5:19 "Do not stifle the holy spirit." I don't want to put God in a box. His thoughts aren't my thoughts. I don't know anything. I just know what His word tells me and will save the questions for the day that I meet Him.

●     God has a plan. He has a plan to prosper me, not to hurt me. I'm going to start living every day as it was my last. Because it could be. Tomorrow isn't a promise. I don't know what God has in store for me. But I do know that he is taking care of me. He always has. So I don't need to worry. I don't need to question my decisions when I make them with him. Cause I know that he is with me wherever I go.

Finally I would like to say, if I've hurt anyone and caused them to be bitter or hurt, please tell me. Let's talk it out. I don't want to be the reason why someone is angry or hurt. I want to work things out. This isn't directed at anyone in particular. I just know how easy it is to let little hurts grow into big hurts from one foolish conversation.  I want peace. I want harmony. :) That is all.

To God be the glory.

-Noelle.