For Grandpa Joe

Dear Grandpa,

Hi, it's me, Noelle. You can't read this right now because you're in a hospital in Chicago. And apparently you aren't doing so well. I'm not doing very well either. I feel horrible that I didn't visit you as much as I should have. I want to be able to say good-bye to you but if I can't, well, this will be my good-bye.

My earliest memories of you are in your old house & your apartment with your parakeets. "Get Mona!" You'd always say to him. I would watch in amuzement as the bird pecked at "Mona". I loved visiting you every weekend. It was such a special moment. Now it's even more special thinking back.  I remember playing uno, with my family, you, and Aunt Theresa & Uncle Kevin. And the doll I got from you one Christmas. I have torn up my house looking for that doll...I want to hold it and smell the powdery fresh smell, so that maybe these memories will become more vivid. But I can't find it...I can't find any of the old things you've given me! I can't even find a picture of you to hold close to my heart.

Anyway, the years went by and you met Sylvia. She changed alot of things about you, including that old apartment. But I know you loved her. And I'm happy you got to spend those five years with her.

Junior year I had an assignment to interview an old war veteran. I chose you. We talked on the phone over it...I was in my bathroom. I was so grateful my teacher assigned that for us because I got to know you so much better. I'll never forget some of those stories. Now I appreciate that more than I did at the time.

There are little things that make you so special. The way you say "Oh boy!" Your laugh. Your caring heart. Your faith, especially.

I can't really say much else, but I love you. And I hope I can see you again and read you this letter.

Love,

Noelle

So, I drove to Milwaukee on Monday. I was totally not planning on it. But there I was on 94 west toward Chicago at 12 in the afternoon.

Let me start at the beginning...Friday I was told I would be getting 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. Finally, I would have consistancy...I was excited. Not only for the consistancy but also for the money. Maybe, I thought, just maybe I would finally be able to get out of that house and be on my own in a small studio apartment. I would be able to get the kitten I had I always wanted and name it Kenny. I would be able to not have to deal with my dad's lunatic behavior...In awhile at least.

I was even thinking about quitting at the Imax...but praise God, I didn't!

I go into work on Monday, all chipper and ready to play with the kids and change poopy diapers and then Christy calls me into her office and I'm told that we, again, have like 20 kids and we're over-staffed and they don't need me until 2. Every day. So my hours significantly change from 40 hours to 20. And my salary changes from 320 a week to 160 a week.

Later I decided I wanted to see my grandpa and Christy said I could have the day off to go see him...I went and followed directions from mapquest and somehow ended up in Harvey....(bad neighborhood...) So I gave up, turned around, and drove all the way to Milwaukee.

And what did I get from spontaneous trip to Wisconsin #3?

-A moose pen.

-Another Wisconsin bumper sticker.

-Shampoo.

I think I just needed to get out of town. I needed a break. Even though I love the new job...there are some things I don't love. Like certain people who treat me like I don't have a clue what I'm doing and others who can't get it through their heads that my name is NOELLE and NOT NICOLE! It's fine when you mistake my name once or twice but seriously, FIVE TIMES IN THREE HOURS???? WHAT IS THAT??

And then there's the fact that I'm never knowing where I am going to be.

"Noelle is going to be with the waddlers."

"No, Noelle is going to be with the toddlers..even though half of the toddlers are disobiediant animals and all pretty much hate her."

Let's just use Noelle for the things that we don't want to do. Because she's the new person.

Ok, not everyone I work with act like that...but some do. And ok, I guess it's better than working with some of the people at the IMAX but it's more personal and dramatic there because I've been at that church for sooo flipping long. And it hurts when people you've known for...like 11 years treat you poorly.

So, yeah. I don't know. I just don't know. I still love it there. I love Christy. But some things/people are.....UGH!

I had a really strange dream last night. I don't remember alot of the details. I just remember kissing some guy, like making out with him...I think.  (Which I am totally not going to do until I am at least engaged!) And I knew it wasn't good. I didn't know who he was but he wasn't a christian. It felt good. And when I woke up I was mad because I didn't want the dream to end.

I think interpretation to this has has a few obvious meanings. (You gotta love the subconcious...)

I really like this guy at work...and I know it can never happen because he isn't in my moral leage. But still, I look forward to seeing him...think about him alot...etc. It's not good. I don't want to get myself in trouble, but at the same time, it's SO exciting to like someone....I havent liked someone in sooo long. I mean REALLY like someone.

And another thing- I really want to be in a relationship-finally! Im Noelle, no relationship, no conflict girl. I always talk about how I never want to get married. But I do. Or at least right now, I want to just go on a date. Feel awkward. Hold hands. Be cute!

But yeah that was a weeeird dream and I feel bad for having it even though I didn't even do anything.

And oh by the way, working at the daycare makes me completely excited to be a mom one day. I love the kids. All of them. Even the ones that constantly try my patience. That was random...ok. Im done