Baby Steps, Goals, and Change

Yesterday I started the day right with prayer, writing down all my thoughts before they had a chance to suffocate me, reading my bible & devotionals, and a healthy breakfast.
I took my vitamins.
I drank a ton of water.
I had healthy snacks and a healthy dinner.
I went to the beach and appreciated the sunset.
I went to the gym and worked my butt off for nearly an hour.
Up until bed time I did really good with my healthy eating.

Today was different.
I didn't have much sleep.
I didn't take my vitamins.
I drank a significantly lower amount of water.
I ate a good breakfast but it was cereal, and wasn't as filling as it should have been.
So I ate candy. And chips.
And I didn't read my devotions or my bibles.
And by the time I was done babysitting I was too tired to go out and enjoy nature or go to the gym.
So I laid in bed, had guacamole for dinner, and topped it off with a jr. bacon cheeseburger because I realized that while being regular I wouldn't be able to just eat a donut. (Plus I'd be ashamed to do so with my fellow regulars)

And now here I am, writing about how different I feel.
How much I liked yesterday more than today.
And this is my point: If you start your day right, it WILL be better.
Mostly, I think it was because I didn't have quiet time or my writing. That is what made such a difference yesterday. I want more days like yesterday. And no more days like today. I am done with this.

For such a long time my weight has been a huge burden on me. I rarely ever talk about it to people. It's very personal. I feel bad about myself, how much I have let myself go in the last six years. It keeps me from doing things that I would love to do.
My self-esteem is so low. It weighs me down in every way, not just in my self-image, but in all I do.
Last May, I remember writing about how much I wanted to lift my hands in worship at church but I felt too self-conscious to do so.



And here it is, little blog family, if you are reading.
I have goals now. Little goals to better myself.
-The healthy amount of weight for me to lose by December 22 is somewhere between 17.5 and 52.5 pounds. I want to achieve that.
-I want to cook more, and eat out way less. (It is SO convienient for me to just pick up dinner through a drive thru. I don't have a family that cooks. It's kind of a fend for yourself type thing and that can get really bad.)
-Cut out most junk food.
-Go to the gym 5 times a week.
-Take my vitamins every day
-Write 3 pages in my journal every day (to prevent emotional eating)
and lastly, this is not a goal related to my health but, I want to save half of everything that I make. I realize this will be hard with the amount of money I am making right now,but I think I can do it.

I am so ready for change. And I don't think I can do that by myself. I need support. I need people to hold me accountable. I need gentleness when I inevitably make mistakes, I need cheerleaders.


Please, if you read this, and you want to help me in some way, even in prayers, please do.
I need support.

In His name,

-Noelle

Me. Myself, & I

Linking up with http://thelifeofthewife.blogspot.com/ YAH!

1. What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?
I would write. I love writing. But I think the biggest thing that is holding me back from doing it is the fear that I am not good at it. I hate letting people read the things that I write that are serious. 

2. If you had only six months left to live, what would you do with the time?
I would give. I would love. I would give thanks for every precious moment. 

I would tell people about Jesus. I would travel. I would say things that needed to be said. 

I would go to the people that I have hurt or that have hurt me and I would do my best to reconcile with them. 

3. If a front page news article was written on you, what would the headline be?
Local woman arrested for breaking red panda out of Lincoln Park Zoo ;)

4. What is your biggest pet peeve?

children's screams.& people that drive behind me with their brights on. 

5. What is your favorite chick flick movie?

While You Were Sleeping!

 (Will always be my ultimate favorite movie ever!) 

Friday's Letters (2)

                                             

Here we go again! 

Dear Friday, 

I love you. After three days of watching children and one day of saying good-bye to my baby sister for four months it is nice to just relax. 

Dear Sister, 

I miss your constant affection. Even though it drove me crazy at times...Even though you didn't accept my love for the red pandas...I love you! And Dad and I miss you a lot!

Dear Red Panda, 

I SAW YOU!!!! After 4 years of loving your kind, and 2 years of trying to see you, I SAW YOU!!!!!

Dear Marty (my new laptop), 

I love you. Even though you have a bad battery it's hardly noticeable because you are just plugged in by my  bed, therefore keeping me in bed all day just because I can, FINALLY!

Dear Bed, 

I am so sorry that I have been so negligent. I will make it up to you today. :)

Dear God, 

I'm sorry for the sin that I always get stuck in. Reckless words, temptations, turning to anything and anyone but you in the times I need you the most. I'm sorry. 

Until next time, 

Noelle

My first Friday's Letters

                                              
So I am going to try this Friday's letters thing. Because I'm trying to write more. So I may as well write more on this blog that two people follow. :D (Plus I think it is just a really cute idea.)

  

Dear Friday, 

It doesn't really feel like you're here. It's kind of just like another day. Probably because there isn't the camp fire following chapel and a bunch of sugar crazed children sad to be going home tomorrow morning.And I am not dreading tomorrow morning's big cleaning day. I like this kind of Friday but I will miss camp Fridays! 

Dear Camp, 

I miss you. Sort of. I miss having a set time for meals, always having something to do, and always having someone to run into. You're amazing even when you're stressful, even when you make me crazy. God is moving through you and may it continue to do so for many, many years to come. 

Dear good Camp friends, 

I miss you a lot. You're encouragement and humor made my mundane job bearable. Thank you for making me feel appreciated, loved, and like I was a part of something.  

Dear Home, 

You're great. I love you. Please clean yourself. I don't want to lift a finger. I am exhausted. 

Dear Rain, 

I really missed you in the beginning of the summer, mostly because of the drought stressed turf at camp. But I did not appreciate you showing up in Gurnee yesterday. I did not have a "Six Flags day". 

Dear Six Flags, 

I am very disappointed in you. I understand a lot of people lose things on rides but it was raining yesterday and  Batman was closed several times throughout the day. How hard can it be to go out and retrieve a set of keys? I thought you were making so much progress! 

Dear Indiana, 

The only reason I love you is because of my family. 

And the dunes. 

Dear Wisconsin, 

I suppose I have a love/hate relationship with you. I miss you. Sort of. Ok I really do, 

Dear Ingrid Michelson, 

You are fabulous. 

Dear God, 

Thank you for always providing, always loving me, always having a plan. I love you. And I know you love me. 

(Psalm 46:10)

Noelle :) 

deluge

It's clear to see

Although the ground is crumbling under my feet

You're holding me in your gentle hands

You cripple the blow to my aching heart

Though it's hard to see the violets in the weeds

I will pour every hidden thought out to you

And I will be free

I am not rejected; 

I am accepted 

Take my dreams 

Turn them into your glory

I long to bring you honor 

With all of my life

Everything that I am

I will trust you

I know your love is my joy

And your joy will be my strength

Please be my strength

Eucharisto

1 Thessalonians 5:18 Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

Last spring and early summer was pretty dark for me. Things were piling up- family issues, friend issues, self-image problems, self-worth problems- I was griping, negative, and just unhappy. Depression was consuming me and I was afraid..I was terrified that I would do something to myself that was self-destructive. I felt so little control over it and I felt so far away from God.  

Many of you may have heard of Ann Voskamp- she wrote One Thousand Gifts- a book that without a shadow of a doubt, changed my life, changed how I view life. 

It's about living life fully right where you are.

It's about finding God in the hard, painful, things life throws at us. 

It's about giving thanks- to search for what you can thank God for.

Eucharisto-to be grateful, feel thankful, give thanks. 

God gives us so many things to be thankful for each day. 

Even in the hard times. 

After I started reading the book..something in me changed. It was slow at first, how my joy & passion for God and for life returned. 

I realized He's always been with me. Even on the days that it seemed like he had forsaken me. 

And I realized that even when I don't understand, I need to give thanks for all He has done. 

So that's what I'm gonna do. 

Search for the gifts He gives. 

And I'm going to list them. I have a list that I started last summer but I always got distracted and forgot to keep them together. So here are some of God's gifts I've found today: 

Peanut Butter and Jelly smiles.

Blooming Tulips

Kid smiles.:) 

Ben..being Ben

Hidden violets (I think those are violets)

the texture in a tree's bark

mountains of sand

 taking pictures on the beach with the best friend (even though the temperature and the insane rushing wind made it freezing)

Birds soaring overhead

Crashing waves against the rocks

Firey sunsets over Lake Michigan

Colossians 3:17 And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.

Whatever you are doing today, whatever you are going through, STOP! Stop worrying, stop and look for one of His gifts. It will bring much joy. :)