Remembering His Faithfulness

Today I was yet again reminded of God's faithfulness: 

(April 9, 2010)

 It was refreshing and renewing and so good to be back in Kenosha and Lake Geneva with my Dad. It had been too long. The last time we went I was totally overworked and wasn’t able to enjoy it. This time it was almost symbolic, and it was like I had returned home. The days of the daycare were over. The days of questioning my faith were behind me.The weather was cool and spring was evident. I returned to my favorite library and stood at the beach in the spot where a scene in the story I was writing was going to take place. I walked the streets of Lake Geneva with my camera, taking pictures of blossoms on trees, of strangers relaxing in the grass, and the sun shining off of the lake.

Dad and I walked around Woodman’s just like old times and I was reminded of the first spring that I fell in love with Wisconsin and the magicalness of the grocery store that held my precious windmill cookies and cinnamon flavored tick-tacs. Dad went back into the hotel to sleep while I drove around, took pictures, went to book stores, and enjoyed being in a world that was not my own.

I listened to the Christian radio station as I drove around town. For the first time I hear Francessa Battestelli’s “Beautiful, Beautiful “. The lyrics and the melody immediately drew me in, I applied them to my life.

 Don’t know how it is You looked at me

And saw the person that I could be

Awakening my heart

Breaking through the dark Suddenly Your grace

Like sunlight burning at midnight

Making my life something so Beautiful, beautiful

Mercy reaching to save me All that I need

You are so Beautiful, beautiful

After getting beautiful sunset pictures I returned to the hotel. My dad was still sleeping, so I pulled out my laptop to check my e-mail. There was one from Dan, the man that interviewed me for Phantom Ranch Bible Camp.

My heart sank, because I sort of knew what it was going to say.

They were already adequately staffed for the summer of 2010. I wouldn’t be needed. I wasn’t hired.

I felt myself slip into sadness even after such a great day. But something caught me, the lyrics to “Beautiful, Beautiful”-the last verse:

Now there’s a joy inside I can’t contain But even perfect days can end in rain And though it’s pouring down I see You through the clouds Shining on my face

Even though I faced immense disappointment, I knew that God was there and there was a reason that he had said no to Phantom Ranch. And after a few hours, I had peace about it. 

And most of you know what happened next. Dean hired me at Timber-lee for the summer. And although the hallow disappointment hurt for awhile it was the best thing that had ever happened to me. At timber-lee I learned what it was to be loved by God. I learned what it was like to have good friends that love you and appreciate you for you genuinely are, the good and the bad. 

I was just thinking about that today. And I was thinking about my recent disappointments...and I just know that even though things aren't great right now, I only have a part time babysitting job and I am still unsure of what to do with my life, I know that God is with me. This time is being utilized to write and to read the bible and to figure out who I am and how I can be the best person that I can be. And I am just so thankful for every thing. For everyone in my life that has helped me grown in one way or another and that God has me right where He wants me.

Life isn't about where we end up, but it's about the journey that we are in to get there.(I read that somewhere recently..Ive been reading so much lately, I dont know how to properly quote it.)  And right now I am content to be where I am. In Joy or in pain, I will remain thankful! 

Updates 3-29-10

1.) It has been 5 months since I have been to Wisconsin....and I am missing it like crazy!!! I just need to get out of town! I had an evil plan to go today but woke up like a half hour ago because I was having dreams about giant dogs and pirates. Not to mention my car would probably die but I DONT CARE! I just want to get out of here. I want to go antique shopping, and go to woodmans, and sit by the lake in Lake Geneva. I need to buy some new shampoo- because I am almost out! 

2.) I have a bunch of stuff to do in my classes this week and haven't even started....sigh. Should be fun. 
3.) Looking back on my old xangas and stuff, I realize how prideful I was. I am just down right ashamed of some things I've written on here, and on other xangas. I am doing a lot of self discovery in these past few months. I am very sorry if I've said thing or done things that were offensive to anyone. 
It's like Matt 7:3 Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?
So again, I am very sorry if I've come off as an elitist, arrogant, or stuck up. It's getting to the point where I can't even read my old stuff anymore. It makes me sick.
4.) I miss babies. =( 

Sanctuary

There is a small town called Barnes tucked behind the city of Hayward in northwestern Wisconsin. My friend’s brother Chris owns a log cabin on the lake. The cabin is decorated with a rustic theme and is comforting in all senses. There’s a stone fireplace for the winter months and some lounge chairs on the wraparound porch for the summer months. Chris’s wife Debbie is always cooking something that smells amazing and tastes delicious, whether it is cookies or corned beef. There are two friendly basset hounds to keep you company, along with a little dachshund. At night the stars are incredibly visible, for lack of steel mills and factories in the area.

The house is filled with the sounds of oldies music or the news lightly playing in the background. If the radio and television is off there is such a peaceful quiet that permeates in the room that you can hear the sound of squirrels sneaking up the porch to get to the bird feeder, birds chirping, or in the winter the sound of heavy snow falling from the tall pine trees.

On one wintery Friday afternoon I was waiting patiently to hear from my friend Marilyn on whether or not we were going to make a trip up to Barnes, Wisconsin. The plan was to take her son’s car up so that her brother Chris could help trade it in for a newer model but it all depended on whether or not they would be able to get a loan. As I drove through Munster, anxious about if we were going I got a message from Marilyn on my phone and it read: Road Trip! About two hours later our bags were in the trunk, Nakita, the German Sheppard mix was in the back seat, and we were ready to go.

The road trip from Munster, Indiana to Barnes, Wisconsin is a long eight hours. Marilyn and I talked for the majority of the car ride. When we reached the oasis before the state line I took the driver’s seat and it started to snow a little bit. By the time we reached Tomah I couldn’t stand the intensity of the snow and the exhaust fumes flung at me while we were on the highway. We pulled over at a gas station and I went back to the passenger seat for the remainder of the ride. Our conversations were both meaningful and goofy. We made up stories from the names of Wisconsin towns, such as Jim Falls, Pigeon Falls, Eau Claire, and Rice Lake. We couldn’t find a radio station that wasn’t Country or Talk.

Finally at three a.m. we arrived in Barnes and were greeted by the two loveable basset hounds Cartman and Leinie and Polo the little dachshund dog and a very drowsy Chris. We crashed in our beds in the basement and then before I knew it, it was the morning and Marilyn and Chris were getting ready to take the car up to the Duluth car dealership.

I stayed back by myself at the cabin to watch the dogs. I absorbed the peace of the quiet secluded cabin and ended up being alone all day and night because Marilyn and Chris ended up at the casino in Duluth. I watched episodes of One Tree Hill, took the dogs for walks, and watched the snow fall from the porch. All four dogs accompanied me in bed when night came. Despite the wonderfulness of the cabin a gloomy dreadful feeling penetrated through my heart. The next day we were supposed to go back to Indiana and I didn’t want to go home.

The next morning I woke up at ten thirty and knew something was off because we were supposed to leave early and it would take us at least an hour or two to get going. Marilyn came into the room and let me know that she called off work on Monday and that we were going to stay an extra day. Debbie was gone on a business trip so Marilyn made some pancakes and sausage for us.

We spent the morning eating the delicious breakfast and watching the fire that Chris made crackle while listening to the oldies station. Marilyn and I walked down to Bony Lake with the basset hounds and Nakita and walked across the frozen lake. After that we got into the car and headed to Duluth, Minnesota so I could say that I’ve been to Minnesota. It turned out to be much more than that. The snow was coming down just as much as it was the night we drove up. It was a pain to drive in but it was so beautiful. We only made a couple of stops in Duluth, one at a grocery store and another at a craft store. I took a lot of pictures of the snow covered houses and downtown Duluth. The town is filled with beautiful old buildings, big hills, and friendly people. If I didn’t love Wisconsin so much I would probably want to move to Minnesota.

We stopped to get a bite to eat at a small restaurant once we were back in Wisconsin and then headed back to the cabin. Chris and Debbie were staying out that night so Marilyn and I ate our dinner and pretended like it was our house. I wrote stories on my laptop and she watched some TV. It was the perfect evening.

The next day we left around noon. I was so indescribably sad to go home. Being at Bony Lake, even for just two days once again changed my outlook on life. Time stood still, and suddenly I wasn’t worried about shopping malls, the city, my problems with friends and memories of past traumatic experiences. It’s secluded and isolated, yet, somehow, it seems like life is supposed to be as simple as life is up there.

I went to Wisconsin a week ago today. I love Lake Geneva. And old people. But I wish I had a better car to go there... Oh well.

I am listening to Christmas music.

I swear if Connie and Jack blast their yard Christmas music again this year I will file a complaint. They already have Christmas lights up.

It seems like the older I get the less exciting Christmas gets and the more commercial it seems. I'm just going to try to keep things simple this year and think of the real reason why we celebrate Christmas.

Lake Geneva 2006

On a friday in January of 2006 my Dad picked me up from school. It was a half day and the end of the first semester. I had just finished my finals and Dad wanted me to go with him to Wisconsin so he could to some research about his Grandfather. I almost didn't go because I wanted to watch the premiere of High School Musical on Disney Channel (pathetic, I know). But we went. First stop was Pell Lake, then Lake Geneva. I stayed in the Lake Genevea library while dad went to different libraries to look up records and what not.

The Lake Geneva library is one of my favorite places to go in Wisconsin. For some odd reason, it reminds me of my childhood. They have a bunch of comfortable chairs facing Geneva Lake, a winding staircase, and some of the friendliest librarians I have ever met.

I stayed there most of the day. At one point I got bored and walked the streets of downtown Lake Geneva. I went into a small giftshop and Daniel Powter's "Bad Day" came on. That made me even more happy and I declared it my Wisconsin song. (One of many.)

After awhile I went back to the library and settled down with "Flight #116 is Down" and declared that my Wisconsin book. I read a good 5 or 6 chapters when Dad finally came back to get me. I bookmarkered my spot and said I would read the rest of the book the next time we came to Lake Geneva.

As we were leaving I overheard the kind librarians talking about a big snow storm that would be coming to Wisconsin.

We were on our way back to stop at Woodman's when it started snowing. Instead of doing the smart thing and heading home quickly we stopped at Woodman's and then Gurnee Mills. The mall was completely empty and slightly creepy but Dad and I had a good time.

When we finally head home, we inched our way back to Indiana it was snowing so hard. Dad was grumbling the whole way home but I was smiling. I had a great day and the snow beautiful and sparkly.

We got home around in three in the morning. That is how ridiculous the traffic was. But it is still one of my favorite Wisconsin memories.

So, I drove to Milwaukee on Monday. I was totally not planning on it. But there I was on 94 west toward Chicago at 12 in the afternoon.

Let me start at the beginning...Friday I was told I would be getting 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. Finally, I would have consistancy...I was excited. Not only for the consistancy but also for the money. Maybe, I thought, just maybe I would finally be able to get out of that house and be on my own in a small studio apartment. I would be able to get the kitten I had I always wanted and name it Kenny. I would be able to not have to deal with my dad's lunatic behavior...In awhile at least.

I was even thinking about quitting at the Imax...but praise God, I didn't!

I go into work on Monday, all chipper and ready to play with the kids and change poopy diapers and then Christy calls me into her office and I'm told that we, again, have like 20 kids and we're over-staffed and they don't need me until 2. Every day. So my hours significantly change from 40 hours to 20. And my salary changes from 320 a week to 160 a week.

Later I decided I wanted to see my grandpa and Christy said I could have the day off to go see him...I went and followed directions from mapquest and somehow ended up in Harvey....(bad neighborhood...) So I gave up, turned around, and drove all the way to Milwaukee.

And what did I get from spontaneous trip to Wisconsin #3?

-A moose pen.

-Another Wisconsin bumper sticker.

-Shampoo.

I think I just needed to get out of town. I needed a break. Even though I love the new job...there are some things I don't love. Like certain people who treat me like I don't have a clue what I'm doing and others who can't get it through their heads that my name is NOELLE and NOT NICOLE! It's fine when you mistake my name once or twice but seriously, FIVE TIMES IN THREE HOURS???? WHAT IS THAT??

And then there's the fact that I'm never knowing where I am going to be.

"Noelle is going to be with the waddlers."

"No, Noelle is going to be with the toddlers..even though half of the toddlers are disobiediant animals and all pretty much hate her."

Let's just use Noelle for the things that we don't want to do. Because she's the new person.

Ok, not everyone I work with act like that...but some do. And ok, I guess it's better than working with some of the people at the IMAX but it's more personal and dramatic there because I've been at that church for sooo flipping long. And it hurts when people you've known for...like 11 years treat you poorly.

So, yeah. I don't know. I just don't know. I still love it there. I love Christy. But some things/people are.....UGH!

Michigan!!!

I have come to the conclusion that Michigan is Wisconsin's imposter. It's the truth!! Michigan stalks me. No joke. Here's the evidence.

-Dad's 20 year old girlfriend originated there. He makes frequent trips there to take her back...and forth and back and forth...etc.

-I always hear those "Travel Michigan" commercials on the radio-with the serene piano music, making it sound all marvelous. And it knows that I love serene piano music. It's trying to lure me in and make me love it more than Wisconsin!

-Marley & Me- the people originated from Michigan.

-I hear something about Michigan like every day. No joke. Whether it's something on Facebook or a random stranger talking about Michigan.

Michigan is trying to lure me in...it all started last year when I went to Winter Weekend w/Campus Life. Adair and I talked a long time, I mean ALL NIGHT in cabin number 5 on the first night. We said that Cabin #5 would be poor man's Wisconsin. Oh, well you know what I think? I think that Cabin #5 wanted to be Wisconsin so much that it plotted on making me love Michigan more than Wisconisn....so that I would be satisfied and no longer needing poor man's Wisconsin.

Yeah, I think I've flipped my lid... Sometimes my imagination shocks me. Like bearded Jack...that's just the kind of thing that no one else really gets. Like an inside joke with myself. You know you've become too much of a loner when you start making up inside jokes with yourself.. I have a ton of inside jokes with myself. Fortunatly for all of you reading this...I will keep those inside. hahaha.

I declare this random post about Michigan....over.

I'm going to Wisconsin some time this week to get a Christmas tree! YAY! I think we might be spending the night too! So I won't have...."One Night Only"! Yay yay yay!  I looked up a bunch of fun things to do in Milwaukee like Christmas lighting ceremonies and such. And while I'm at it I can find out where my cousin Jacob lives, break into his apartment, and move into his living room! YES! We're eating Thanksgiving at a restaurant this year...weird. I really want to see Four Christmases. It looks amusing. And it has Reese Witherspoon in it. She's one of my fav. actresses. =) 

It's so weird thinking that I will be in Florida this time in a month. Thankfully I'll be able to have my car so I can drive back up whenever I want to. (Mom is already trying to talk me into going for a whole year. And I think she should just be happy that I'm committing to a few months. It's like when you have 5 cookies and you eat one, and your like "Man, I really want some more cookies. No fair.") 

My Dad was happy last night. We'll see how long that lasts. He went to church yesterday! And oddly enough...I didn't. But I'm so glad he did. I hope he keeps it up! Especially when I'm not here. 

Get Out Of This Town

My dad and I agreed on one thing. We're both miserable. And I hate feeling this way. Something has to change. Maybe it's Florida. Hopefully I'll get a job in Wisconsin. Today he read my thoughts exactly. He said, "Sometimes I just want to throw my clothes in the car and drive away." I think I'm going to do it. Not for a long period of time...of course. Just for tonight. 

yrics:
Got it all figured out inside of my head
There's a bag packed up at the foot of my bed
You say the word, baby I'm all set
We'll cover our tracks, tell a couple white lies
Make sure we got a good alibi
And by the time they catch on, we'll be outta their sight
Long gone, baby

Let's get out of this town tonight
Nothing but dust in the shadows
Gone by morning light
Somewhere we won't ever get caught, ever be found
Baby, let's just get out of this town

Don't need directions, don't need a map
If we get lost I'll be good with that
Yeah we'll find a way to make the time pass
Window rolled down with the heat on high
Stars all aligned in a runaway sky
Holding my hand as the miles roll by
Long gone, baby

Let's get out of this town tonight
Nothing but dust in the shadows
Gone by morning light
Somewhere we won't ever get caught, ever be found
Baby, let's just get out of this town

If we leave tonight and drive fast enough
All of our troubles will be just like us
Long gone, baby

Let's get out of this town tonight
Nothing but dust in the shadows
Gone by morning light
Somewhere we won't ever get caught, ever be found
Yeah, let's just get out of this town
Let's get out of this town tonight
Yeah, we won't ever get caught, ever be found
Baby, let's just get out of this town

Radcliff Story 2006

Once there was a young lad by the name of Radcliff. He resided in the large picturesque town of Kenosha, Wisconsin. Radcliff loved Indiana with a passion. The reason why he loved it so much was because one time he went there with his father and walked into a grocery store called Ultra. Immediatly he knew the store and Indiana was his destiny.

Meanwhile one day Noelle was all somber in the store Ultra. She walked through the bakery, heartbroken because she missed the wonderful Woodman's in her beloved Kenosha, Wisconsin. Well, Radcliff was also in Ultra at that time. Unlike Noelle, he was all happy and joyus. He saw Noelle who was starting to sob sadly when she looked at the bumble bee tuna. He asked her,"Hey somber woman, why are you looking so gloomy? It's a wonderful store! Doesn't it smell terrific?"

Noelle started to respond until she looked up at him. He was the most gourgeous, beautiful, handsome boy she had ever seen. "Oh I just miss my favorite grocery store in the world." She replied sniffling.

"What are you talking about? This is the greatest grocery store in the world!" Radcliff responding excitedly.

"I disagree. Woodman's is the best," Noelle replied.

"WOODMANS?!" Radcliff was washed over with shock.

"Yes." Noelle nodded.

"I live right near a woodman's.The Kenosha Woodman's."

"No way. You're from wisconsin?"

"Unfortunately." Radcliff said.

"Why? You don't like it there?"

"No way. It's dumb. Indiana is the place to be." Radcliff said.

"You haven't lived here." Noelle said with disgust.

"Yeah well you havent lived in Wisconsin either. All they have is cows and cheese and cows. You guys have corn. I love corn."

"I hate corn. Cheese is awesome." Noelle said. Even though Radcliff was extremely good looking she also found him irritating. Just like she found her uncle Hugo who also prefered Indiana over Wisconsin annoying. How could they hate Wisconsin?

Suddenly Radcliff and Noelle's dads come running toward the two arguing strangers.

"Noelle, you'll never guess who I ran into!" Noelle's father, Jim exclaimed.

"Who?"

"This is Harry, my old friend from high school. He's an ice fisherman in Wisconsin."

"Harry's my dad!" Radcliff said.

"Is he hairy?" Noelle asked.

"A little."

"Ahhh..."

The time at the grocery store went by fast. After both Radcliff and Noelle's fathers were grocery shopping the two 16 and some odd month teens walked through the aisles of Ultra and talked about everything. Radcliff told Noelle about his pet fish, Gwenevierre back home. Noelle spoke of her cat Jack and how he likes to eat fish. Radcliff was frightened. When Radcliff had to go back to Wisconsin he started to cry. Noelle hugged him telling him she knew how he felt. They exchanged numbers when they seperated.

Yes, It was only the beginning.

Last week was my last trip to Wisconsin for who knows how long. That makes me sad. It was a good trip. It would have been better if my dad wasn't such a poop though. He didn't have much fun and cut the trip short so he could see his 20 year old girlfriend. The most fun I had, I had by myself.

The first day we had a super late start. We went to Great America for about an hour when I finally got sick of it. That place has changed so much and the new owner guy is at fault. It makes me mad. Great America no longer reminds me of my childhood, it reminds me of the gekko geico thing because it is EVERYWHERE there. Even on the back of Viper. Plus there is soo many people. And Vivvian and Shannah never come with us and my relationship with dad has withered. It just isnt fun anymore.

We stayed in the Ramada in Waukeagen again. I love that hotel. It does remind me of my childhood. =) I really don't know why. Probaly cause it was made in the 90's.  And the beds were comfortable.

Dad woke me up early that next morning.

Him: go back to bed. (Shines a light directly in my eyes)

Me: AAAAAAAHHHH! (I don't go back to sleep.)

We had waffles, which were tasty.

Then we went to Wisconsin! YAY WISCONSIN! We were going to go see the dancing horses in Lake Geneva but it didnt work out because of road construction...Then I walked aimlessly around lake Geneva, read my book in the library, said hello to my future house, and got really, REALLY mad at my dad.

After that we just hung out in the hotel.

More random things

Wisconsin Sunrise

Barnes, WI

Last year in early July I went to Barnes, Wisconsin with Marilyn and Rhonda. It' so hard to explain the experience I had there. So here's a few little memories.

1.) The Parade- Meeting Chris and Debbie's friends at the parade. Finding out just how small of a town Barnes is. Feeling very much at home. Awed by the strange ritual of spraying the parade people with water guns.

2.) Fireworks- That same night Marilyn, Chris, and I watched the fireworks by the church. It was probably the best fireworks show I've been to, and that's saying a lot for a small town.

3.) Hanging out at the pier reading the book Wisconsin. Sometimes I'd swim out to the "island" and just relax there. I got so sun burned but it was so perfect. And the funny thing about the book Wisconsin is there was a character called "Big Al" and Barnes there's a guy named big Al. Only the character Big Al is mean and an alcoholic...I don't think town Big Al is mean...or an alcoholic.

4.) Hanging out at the beautiful house for an evening by myself and the three dogs. I just watched TV and relaxed on the couch.

5.) Eating venison for the first time...ew.

6.) Going to Hayward...this wasn't that great of a day because I had a terrible stomach ache. But I still enjoyed it.

7.) Fish fry...I don't really like fish but it was alright.

8.) Bony Lake- Riding around on the jet ski....watching sunsets from the boat...Swimming...etc. It was wonderful.

9.) My favorite memory, the last night the stars were spectacular. It was such a clear night. Beautiful and refreshing. Marilyn and I just sat on the porch talking about how that was how life was meant to be. Not pollution or huge skyscrapers...simple life.

I don't think I'll be able to make it back this summer...and I must admit, that really depresses me. But I know I'll make it back there soon. In fact, I will be only 3 hours away when I move to Bloomington, MN for Honor Academy.

Maybe there'll be some way to get there....

Maggie

Ever since I was a young child I wanted a sheep dog like on the old version of "The Shaggy Dog." Always. I still do. Lately I've really wanted a dog...or any kind of pet! I know it won't happen. Dad swore off pets after Jack...he was an evil cat. But one day I WILL have a sheep dog. I was searching on Petfinder.com and found this:

 

Maggie. I WANT HER! And guess where she is? RACINE, WISCONSIN!

If only...

Grrr...why can't I be a pet person?

Every single pet I've owned has either tried to eat me, attacked me, bled all over the street, ran away, got hit by a car, or peed all over the carpet. I will have one...one day.

Wisconsin 2007 Pics

Wisconsin Dells Fall 2007