Thoughts 11-15-08

This has been the worst week. I'm not going to explain everything because I don't want to but I have just been so down because:

1.) That dumb lady from New York who said

a.) that I am not a go-getter

b.) I'm not a hardworker

c.) no wonder I haven't found a job yet.

d.) she can see me working at mcdonalds and can I please supersize her fries for her?

And you know what? I know her words mean nothing seeing as she does not know me but they did hurt. It was like Satan himself was writing to me because I know none of that is true and Satan has been feeding me the same lies to me for a long time now.I keep trying to think of who God says I am and I keep trying to think of the future and the amazing purpose he has in store for me. It's like I'm having an inward tug of war. Some days I feel like nothing. I feel like I am running around in aimless directions while everyone else has some kind of ambition. And then other days, I'm inspired because I know God has something great for me. It's just really hard.

2.) Honor Academy- I am still having bad dreams about that place. I just had one last night. I went back to visit or something (I have no idea why I would do that) and then I ended up being forced to stay there. I wish I could have peace about all that. It's become such a big part of my life. I KNOW I wasn't supposed to be there. I just know it. I wish my freaking subconcious would leave me alone.

3.) Lonliness sucks. But Shannah has been so great to me this week. I've seen her more this week than in a long time. Tuesday, Wed, and Yesterday. I was really upset about something yesterday...I'm thinking I was just way overemotional yesterday because I cried over the "Christmas Shoes" song and I've heard that song about a million times. We got chinese food and she let me tell her all my problems...even though she's heard them all before. I love her so much. I don't know what I would do without my sister.

4.) I NEED A JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's all. Rant over.