A Little Poem

Listen here, little one

I'm sad to see what you have done

You've taken love 

And mushed it up to gray

Distorted views 

Your minds askew

By the world full of satan's tools

To make us stray

Be careful heart of mine 

Of what you see and what you do

Love was never meant to be this way

Theres danger here 

But God is near 

Seek first the Lord

The rest will fall to place

Life Is Short

Life it too short for grudges.

Life is too short to keep our eyes on anything or anyone but Jesus.

Life is good. Live your life full. Be quick to forgive. Be patient. Be loving.

Even when it's hard.

Even when you were wronged.

Let it go.

Life is too short.

Timber-lee Garbage Cans/Thoughts

Note: This is my assignment I was supposed to do for Lindsay like 6 months ago. Haha.  A story about an object or creature. It had to take place at Timber-lee and needed to be a fable. I don’t really know if this is exactly a fable. (And really...its not good. hahah) But its based off of what I was thinking about today.

----

After being dumped in all morning by a mob of sticky fingered, snot nosed, children the crowd finally died down. The girls that stood behind me took a break to eat breakfast and soon after I knew what would happen. They would come by, dragging Bertha, and then the cups, and then the silverware away. I didn’t bother saying goodbye; I’d see them in three hours.

Sometimes I was taken straight back to the dumpster. Today it wasn’t just me that needed to be dumped, Charlie needed to go out too. The girl that normally takes me out back got distracted by other things and we were forgotten, yet again, the bags of wasted apples, biscuits, sausage patties, and other cumbersome breakfast items were heavy and I was ready for them to be out.

After quite some time, Charlie and I were dragged out the double doors. To my dismay, Charlie was taken first and in the process I was spun around and faced my reflection for the first time. I gazed at myself and was dismayed at my appearance. My lid was dark and slightly ajar, there were stains from this breakfast and previous meals smeared on my front, and my name was scrawled crooked. Roscoe was fading.

Suddenly I felt an overwhelming feeling of self-pity and uselessness wash over me. I watched the tables get washed each day, when I wasn’t facing the wall that is. The cups, the cup wracks, the silverware cart, and the tray cart came back after each meal, clean and rejuvenated. I was given evidence of how I was always the forgotten one.  Bitterness crept into my heart as I thought of those that had it better off than I did, getting washed five times a day and how my sole purpose was to contain people’s rejected meals. Why couldn’t I have a better purpose?

I stewed in my pool of negativity as the empty Charlie was returned, and I was emptied and brought back only for the endless cycle to contain. We were both taken back in and she put new white bags. Then she darted off and Roscoe and I were left alone to talk about the morning. (Salvador was there too, but he is mute.) Before I had the chance to pour my bitter thoughts out on him he said something.

“I want to share something with you Roscoe. This morning while you were being taken to the dumpster, I saw my reflection for the first time.”

I wanted to interrupt with my own thoughts but something inside me stopped to listen.

“I was thinking about how we don’t have the tidiest and most fun job out of all the things in the dining rooms.” Charlie sighed, “But if we didn’t exist; if we were, say, a table instead of a trashcan, there would be no place for the kids to throw their trash away and the whole place would be a mess. Everybody has a purpose, Roscoe.” (The End)

Random possibly unrelated thoughts:

I don’t like what Im doing right now. I am exhausted with both of my jobs. I have never felt more distant with everyone that’s in my life, no matter how close I am to them geographically. I haven’t been writing. I feel stuck. And it’s tiring…I want to quit so bad.

But I know there’s a reason I am where I am. And there is a reason I am going through what I am going through. It sucks. But I am going to use it to give God glory. Or try my hardest to do that. I am not giving up.

That is all.

Making the Most of Every Moment

I've been thinking alot in the past two weeks. I've been praying alot about this too and I finally feel like I can put it into words.

I am sick of living in the past. From this day forward, when I am with people, I am going to be with, people. Too many times I miss out on great moments because I am thinking about someone else or missing a time in my life, living in my old memories, or whatever I have to be sorry for myself about at the time.

I am SO sick of it.

Because who knows how much time we really have with the people we love?

Who knows what's gonna happen in the future?

Today could be my last day on earth. I don't want to leave knowing that I could have left the people that I love hurt by my own selfishness...

So, I'm really going to work on being with people, not wasting time worrying, and just showing the people I love that I love them.

Love is patient.

Love is kind.

It doesn't envy. It doesn't boast. It isn't proud.

It doesn't dishonor others. It is not self-seeking. It is not easily angered.

It keeps no record of wrongs.

Love doesn't delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

I want to really love my friends and family. I know its so much easier said than done...talking about making the most of each moment and actually doing that is really hard...Technology doesn't make it any better.

But I'm working on it.

More Bible Verses I Am Fond Of

Genesis 50:19

But Joseph said to them, "Don't be afraid. Am I in place of God? You intended to harm but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives."

Psalm 54:4

Surely God is my help; The Lord is one who sustains me.

Psalm 54:7

For he has delivered me from all my troubles and my eyes have looked in triumph on my foes.

Psalm 55:22

Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the rightcheous fall.

Psalm 56:3-4

When I am afraid, I will trust in you. In God whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid, what can mortal man do to me?

Psalm 57:1

Have mercy on me, O God, for in you my soul takes refuge. I will take refuge in you until the disaster has passed.

Proverbs 27:5-6

Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Wounds from a friend can be trusted but and enemy multiplies kisses.

Proverbs 27:12

The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and suffer through it.

Proverbs 27:19

As water reflects a face, so a man's heart reflects a man.

Hebrews 10:22

Let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith...

Hebrews 10:25

Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in habit of doing but let us encourage one another and all the more as you see the day approaching.

Psalm 62:1-2 My soul finds rest in God alone My salvation comes from him He alone is my rock and my salvation He is my fortress I will never be shaken

Exodus 4:11

Who gave man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or mute? Who gives him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Now go; I will help you speak and teach you what to say.

Psalm 34:18

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Psalm 63:3-4

Because your love is better than life my lips will glorify you. I will praise you as long as I live and in your name I will lift my hands.

Proverbs 31:30

Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

Mark: 7:6-7

These people honor me with their lips but their hearts are far from me. The worship me in vain; their teachings are but rules taught by men.

Hebrews 12:14

Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord.

Psalm 68:19-20

Praise is to the Lord, to God our savior, who daily bears our burdens. Our God is a God who saves; from the sovereign Lord comes escape from death.

Psalm 69:6

May those who hope in you not be disgraced because of me.

Proverbs 1:33

But whoever listens to me will live in safety and be at ease without fear of harm.

Mark 8:33

But when Jesus turned and looked at his disciples, he rebuked Peter, "Get behind me Satan!" he said " You do not

have in mind the things of God, but the things of men."

Mark 8:36

What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul.

Mark 8:50

Salt is good, but if it loses its saltiness, how can you make it salty again? Have salt in yourselves and be at peace with each other.

James 1:2

Consider it pure joy, my brothers whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know the testing of your faith develops perseverance.

James 1:5

If any of you lack wisdom he should ask God who gives generously to all without finding fault, and will be given to him.

James 1:19-20

Dear brothers and sisters take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. For mans anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.

Psalm 73:21-26

Then I realized that my heart was bitter and I was torn up inside. I was so foolish and ignorant- I must have seemed like a senseless animal to you. Yet I still belong to you; You hold my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, leading me to a glorius destiny. Whom have I in heaven but you? I desire you more than anything on earth. My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever.

Proverbs 3:25-26

You need not be afraid of sudden disaster or the destruction that comes upon the wicked, for the Lord is your security. He will keep your foot from being caught in a trap.

Ecclesiasties 5:2

Dont make rash promises and dont be hasty in bringing matters before God.

Ecc 5:7

Talk is cheap, like daydreams and other useless activities. Fear God instead.

Ecc 6:9

Enjoy what you have rather than desiring what you don't have. Just dreaming about nice things is meaningless-like chasing the wind.

James 5:3

Are any of you suffering hardships? You should pray. Are any of you happy? You should sing praises.

Exodus 14:13

But Moses told the people, "Don't be afraid. Just be still and watch the Lord rescue you today.

Ecc 7:10

Don't long for "the good old days". This is not wise.

1 Peter 1:6

So be truly glad. There is a wonderful joy ahead even though you have to endure many trials for awhile.

1 Peter 1:8

You love him even though you have never seen him. Though you do not see him now, you trust him and rejoice with a glorius inexpressible joy. 

Bible Verses I Am Fond Of

Psalm 3:3-4

But you, O Lord, are a shield around me, you are my glory, the one who holds my head high. I cried out to the Lord and he answered me from his holy mountain.

Psalm 4:4

Don't sin by letting anger control you. Think about it overnight and remain silent.

Proverbs 3:5

Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.

1 Thessalonians 5:19

Do not stifle the holy spirit.

(stifle:to quell, crush, or end by force, to supress, curb or withhold)

Proverbs 5:24-25

Avoid all perverse talk;stay away from corrupt speech. Look straight ahead, and fix your eyes on what lies before you.

Matt 9:12

...Healthy people don't need a doctor-sick people do.

Psalm 25:3

Noone who trusts in you will ever be disgraced, but disgrace comes to those who decieve others.

Psalm 25:21

May integrity and honesty protect me, for I put my hope in you.

Proverbs 10:12

Hatred stirs up quarrels but LOVE makes up for all offenses.

Proverbs 10:18

Hiding hatred makes you a liar, slandering others makes you a fool.

Proverbs 10:19

Too much talk leads to sin. Be sensible and keep your mouth shut.

Proverbs 14:30

A peaceful heart leads to a healthy body; jealousy is like cancer in the bones.

Proverbs 15:22

Plans go wrong for lack of advice. Many advisers bring success.

Mark 11:25

But when you are praying first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against so that your father in heaven will forgive your sins too.

Psalm 41:9

Even my close friend, whom I trusted, he who shared my bread, has lifted up his heel against me.

Psalm 41:12

In my integrity you uphold me and set me in your prescence forever.

Psalm 57:4

I am in the midst of lions; I lie among ravenous beasts, men who's teeth are spears and arrows, whose tongues are sharp swords.

Psalm 46: 1-3

God is our refuge and strength an ever present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with surging.

Ephesians 4:29

When  you talk, do not say harmful things but say what people need- words that will help others become strong.

Matthew 11:28

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.

1 Thessalonians 5:9-11

For God did not appoint us to suffer wrath but to recieve salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ. He died for us so that, whether we are awake or asleep, we may live together with him. Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-22

Be joyful always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. Do not put out the spirit's fire, do not treat phrophecies with contempt. Test everything. Hold on to the good. Avoid every kind of evil. 

by Noelle Joi Curran on Wednesday, 16 February 2011 at 18:31

So, I've been reading the bible more and I'm also reading a Joyce Meyer book called Power Thoughts. There's three things I've read in the past twenty four hours that struck me personally.

1.) In Power Thoughts theres a section called "Don't Make It Personal". Meyer writes: "Automatically blaming ourselves when something goes wrong or thinking everything that goes wrong is intended against us as individuals is called 'personalizing' and it makes positive thinking very difficult."

Joyce just described my life. I worry too often. And when I dont have enough to worry about I look at other peoples' problems and somehow in some twisted way, I blame myself for them. Like silly things, if someone is in a bad mood or upset, I automatically think that its because of something that I did. Even if I hadn't seen or talked to the person for a long time. It started early in life. I remember in sunday school or school when the group was rowdy and loud and the teacher would chastise us as a group, I would feel so guilty for being bad even though I was sitting quietly and paying attention...

Another thing that hit me from Power Thoughts is how Joyce described 'polarizing', basicly feeling like a horrible human being over one innocent mistake made.

Ahgh....I totally do this!

I did this today even after reading this chapter.

The group leader for a group asked for me to do a tray talk while I was eating lunch and I told him that the hostesses would do it for him in the evening. They just had sack lunches and I wouldn't be able to demonstrate it anyway. But then I felt guilty because I probably should have done it. And I beat myself up about it throughout the rest of the shift...

Why do I do this?

Why do we do this?

Why do we freak out about the smallest little mistake?

It's a mistake. People make them all the time. And they learn from them...so why do I have such an obsession with not making mistakes...and why do I tear myself down so much when I do make them...all the mistakes I have made, big and small have made me learn something either about myself, about other people, or about life. It keeps me from taking risks. It keeps me from doing things that I know I would be good at.

I've always known that these were my problems. But I never really realized how much they bring me down....I need to change this. I like this book.

2.) And....yesterday I was reading my bible in Matthew chapter twenty six, the chapter right before Jesus is crucified. I was reading along like I do when I read this chapter when I got to the part of Judas. He was one of the twelve men chosen to follow him. He listened to his teaching, he watched him perform miracles....And he traded all that for thirty pieces of silver...

It brought tears to my eyes.

And then I got to verses 48-50:

48 Now the betrayer had arranged a signal with them: “The one I kiss is the man; arrest him.” 49 Going at once to Jesus, Judas said, “Greetings, Rabbi!” and kissed him.

 50 Jesus replied, “Do what you came for, friend." 

He still called him friend.

He didn't scoff.

He didn't glare at him.

He wasn't angry.

He called him friend.

I don't know if this makes sense to you...but I dont know why that just hit me the way it did. 

So many times when I have someone hurt me, intentionally or unintentionally, it affects my view on them and affects my relationship with them. At least I think it does. I try to look past the hurt but theres always a piece of me that doesn't...

I am reading more about Jesus...and how he lived.

And I really want to be like Jesus.

I want to live like he did.

I want to love like he did.

The only difference is, Jesus was perfect. He never sinned.

And I'm just a faulty human. I make mistakes.

But I'm learning. I'm going to make more mistakes.

But I'm also going to learn more about Jesus.

I'm just falling in love with the way He lived.

Ahhh...man...tangents.

haha

And the last thing:

these lyrics:

I thought i did what's right

I thought i had the answer

I thought i chose the surest road

But that road brought me here

So i put up a fight

And told You how to help me

And just when i had given up

The truth has come clear

Chorus

For You know better than I

You know the way

I've let go, the need to know why

Cause You know better than I

If this has been a test

I cannot see the reason

But maybe knowin', I don't know

Is part of gettin through

I try to do what's best

And faith has made it easy

To see the best thing I can do

Is put my faith in You

Chorus

I saw one cloud and thought it was the sky

I saw a bird and thought that I could follow

But it was You who taught them how to fly

If I let you reach me, will You teach me

For You know better than I

You know the way

I've let go, the need to know why

I'll take what answers You supply

Cause You know better than I

This song is from the movie Joseph King of Dreams. I haven't been able to stop listening to it. It's a dreamworks film based on the story of Joseph in Genesis. They play the song when Joseph is in prison after being thrown into a pit and sold into slavery by his brothers, and wrongfully accused of seducing Potiphars wife....he was just an innocent boy that had a couple of dreams. And he was treated like a criminal...

But if it wasn't for being betrayed by his own flesh and blood, and thrown into prison for something he didnt do he wouldn't have been there to interpret Pharogh's dreams. He wouldn't have been there to save Egypt from seven years of famine.

God had great plans for Joseph even when he was in his lowest place he believed that. And God blessed him abundantly.

Yep....so thats what I've been thinking about in the past 35 hours....

God is so amazing.

(P.S. Thanks Dad, for getting me that Joyce Meyer book for my birthday!)